I think that when any woman becomes a mother, she sets out to do the most perfect job ever done. In her newborns eyes she envisions her own success as a parent, and then she works very, very hard to make that vision become a reality.
Over the past two years, I have done everything in my power to be a good mom for Iman. I’ve stayed up the long endless nights, I’ve breastfed according to the doctor’s orders, I’ve given up on my wishes and my desires, I’ve spent time playing with her, I’ve cleaned up after her, I’ve hugged her when she’s sad and kissed those bruises and cuts a million times (even after they’ve healed). I’ve sang to her in the night, I’ve smiled at the mess she’s made, I’ve stayed up all night waiting for her fever to subside, woken up at 3 am to give her an antibiotic dose. I’ve cooked meal after meal and snack after snack, keeping calories and nutrition in mind. I’ve driven to the park on my most tired days, I’ve clapped at every silly new thing she’s done. I’ve prayed for her every night. I’ve cried when she wasn’t well. I’ve read to her, making silly voices for each character, I’ve memorized every Barney song. I’ve learned to appreciate her creativity, and let go of my own desire to keep things in order. I’ve watched my immaculate house turn into a play room, with toys under the sofas and stains on the rug. I’ve smiled for her even when I was sad…
I’ve given up the lunch dates, the late nights out with friends. I’ve given up the books I used to love, magazines and newspapers. I’ve given up manicures and pedicures and massages and facials. I’ve given up fancy restaurants and dinner parties. On many days I’ve given up my husband too! I’ve given up “alone” time. I’ve given up privacy in the bathroom. I’ve given up long phone calls, I’ve also given up long conversations in general. I’ve given up a lot of myself.
And after giving up all those things and making adjustments to my life, I’ve gained the opportunity of being a mother. Something that can never be imagined, only experienced. I’ve learned that a child’s love is the most pure and unconditional love on earth. I’ve learned that without Iman, my life would never have been complete. I’ve learned that no matter how many mistakes I make, she’ll always be my baby. I’ve learned to look for smaller things in life, and laugh without any reason. I’ve learned to let my guard down and be silly when I want. I’ve learned to let go of things when they are no longer in my power, and I’ve learned new things about myself. And as I teach her so many things, I learn the most important lessons in life… from her.
