Right Friends at the Right Time
It's always great when your friends migrate through the stages of life as you do.
When you're single, it's great to have other single friends. You can do the same things, check out guys together, laugh at the same jokes... daringly admit that you love being single (but secretly wish for Mr. Right to come along anytime now). When you're dating, it's always nice that your friends are seeing someone too. You can go for movies together, you can plan double dates for dinner and you can always relax because you don't have to "look out" for her at parties. Then when marriage comes along, it's even better when the other friends are getting married too. You can practically spend a whole year planning and attending one wedding after another. Then comes the "coupledom"... when you guys call each other over for cozy dinners at home. You plan trips together, and on days when you just want to relax, you rent a couple of movies and order pizza with them.
The final stage is parenthood.
When it seems that you almost "planned" your pregnancies together. You go through the same symptoms, enjoy the same developments in your life and also share the same fears that are about to unfold in the next chapter. Your children are born a few months apart and you practically call each other every hour to ask questions, share a story or just to take a break!
In a perfect world and among perfect friends that would be the best case scenario. But unfortunately our friends don't migrate with us, we have to migrate to other friends.
P.S. I am not trying to say that you can't keep old friendships, only saying that it's easier to have friends who share the same problems and are experiencing similar things in life :)
posted by Hina @ 7:32 PM
13 comments
13 Comments:
did you and u're husband date before you got married or did you have an arranged marriage?
anonymous, a little bit of both.
That whole ebb and flow dynamic is something isn't it. The really solid friends seem to be the ones who weather all the changes but it is kind of amazing to think of the people who end up drifting away because you just don't share the same concerns anymore. And then, of course, new people float in because they do and it seems you've had them in your life forever.
How did you met him and where?
Who ARE all these anonymous people??
I think you make some interesting points in this entry, and yes, I'd agree that sometimes, the strongest friendships weaken and eventually disappear because of changing contexts/circumstances, but luckily, that isn't always the case, and it is possible for some friendships to last for ever.
Geez, what a long sentence.
you said it babe.
anonymous, let's leave some things to the imagination.
lorraine, "and it seems you've had them in your life forever." THIS IS SO TRUE!!
d, you're right about some friendships. No matter what the circumstances, distance or differences, they always stand the test of time.
Noor, :)
Mr/Ms/Other anonymous, Wher they met and when is none of ur business. if u love to live, stay away
aah the change of the friend tide-
happens to the most resilient of us!! its been fun to see how your single time with your single freidns will actually become one on one time with them alter despite all additions and all...
and how some couples are really too annoying to be hung out with as couples...and how others are perfect. its a big bad world out there. :)
Hey Anon,
Let me answer for Hina. In South East Asia they put too much emphasis on class. So when one's kids are ready for marriage the educated parents give their kids few people to choose from, normally from your close relatives and friends. Sometimes they go out on dates to decide. Am I right or what?
P.S. I have seen it's still a big deal if one choose someone outside the circle.
Is it just me or are the comments getting wierder?
hehe
my gosh..whats happening with the comments.
hina,
a friend of mind got married and slowly stopped hanging out with us unmarried folk. After I read your blog I realized why she probably did that. At the time (3 years ago) we felt pretty snubbed and took it as a personal attack.
But when I think about it now..it makes complete sense. You want friends who understand what you are going through and who are also going through something similar.
But once in a while its nice to meet people who have an entirely different agenda from you..it gives you another perspective no? Might make you hate your life more or value it more.
I don't think I made any sense. Oh well.:)
I dont know, thats not really been my experience, being a mom of a an almost five year old i have in the recent past got along most with friends who are 6 to 7 years younger, mostly single and none of them is a parent. i consider myself an involved parent in general but dont want motherhood to be the only defining factor in my life to the point of becoming my sole obsession.
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