Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Stickler for discipline

I was at a friend's house today and she told me that she felt that I was a "very strict" mom. Now I know this takes a lot of courage, because you never want to tell your friend's off for what they are doing, so I'm going to give her credit for taking a stand for her beliefs... BUT

and this is a BIG BUT...

She doesn't have kids, and although everyone's opinion matters, we should only do the parenting we feel is right for us.

Sometimes I feel like I am too harsh with Iman, but then I remind myself that what I'm doing is for her best. If I lay down certain ground rules in her life, it will only benefit her (and me) in the future. Yeah sure, I believe in having fun, getting messy and giggling. I'm not the kind of mom that she can't laugh or be silly with, but there are certain boundaries that we need to set for our kids. It's the only way to ensure a secure future.

So even though I applaud my friend's courage to confront me, I still have to say the same thing... I believe in what I am doing, and it may not seem right to the next person, but it works for me and my little one. And as long as I am satisfied with the way that I am raising my child, I think I am doing a great job.

11 Comments:

At 7:32 PM, Anonymous Dena said...

From what I have read you are doing a great job and don't let anyone even a friend tell you otherwise. You are the one who is raising Iman NOT your friend. And since she has no children of her own yet she really doesn't know what it takes to raise a child she just thinks she does and she won't until she has one of her own. You can respect your friends opinion but until she has walked in your shoes and has to make choices that are in her childs best interest I would just Smile and say "thank you for your concern but this is how we choose to raise Iman"

 
At 7:40 PM, Blogger Lorraine said...

I think you're doing a great job, too. And Dena is absolutely right...your friend doesn't have kids. She cannot possibly make a judgement on someone else's discipline until she has one of her own. And kids need boundaries and structure and rules. It's our job to put those in place and hold the line on them. When she's in the trenches she can comment. And I'll bet, when she gets there, she'll be asking you for all sorts of advice because you're doing such a good job with Iman.

 
At 2:24 AM, Blogger DysfunctionaL said...

a well-behaved child is a must! even if that does involve being strict..
when i read ur blog, in a lot of instances i see similarities with my mom's way of bringing kids up..
and my mom was a very no-nonsense mom when it came to manners..
im 22 and i wish and hope i can raise my kids the way my mom raised us..

 
At 4:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

my siblings and mind u they r quite young (kids themselves) all feel that im too strict with my Eman and even my Abu says so also but its important and I must say I'm blessed that my better half and my mum both agree with me, that for the child's own better mannered future a little bit of strictness is zaroori! hope u and Iman are well!
-Umi xx

 
At 2:37 PM, Blogger DariushAlavi said...

I know I haven't seen a great deal of your parenting with my own eyes, but I have to say that I wouldn't call what I've seen "too strict". There's "strict" and there's "excessively strict", right? When did it become bad to be a strict parent? I mean, do we really want parents to be lenient??!

 
At 9:22 AM, Blogger MT said...

hello hinamommy

well i m not a mom yet but i learn alot of things through your blog.. these days i m seeing alot of ill mannered, hyperactive kids around me.. these kids are so annoying that i feel like slapping them.. i dont wanna blame their parents wholly for that since i feel that no parent wants their child to be ill disciplined.. its just that they fail to direct their (kid's) energies in right direction..

for the past few months, i m kinda getting concerned that how will i discipline my kiddos (inshAllah).. i spoke to my fiance' & he thinks that only one person should be strict with the kid, either mom or dad, never both at one time.. but he can go to the extent of slapping his child if the child is not behaving himself and crosses the limits..

to help/advise people like me, y dont u put up an entry about the dos & donts of disciplining a child.. i want to be frank & open with my kids as they grow up & at the same time maintain a distance - a distance of respect (hope u getting what i mean)..

-MT

P.S.: i m getting married this january.. i m asking this question at this point in time since u have come up with this topic on your blog.. so dont think its too early for me to ask sucha favour.. :)

 
At 1:06 PM, Blogger DariushAlavi said...

Umm... I hardly ever respond to the contents of other people's posts (my male brain doesn't cope well with the multi-tasking-ness of such a venture) but I feel I have to say something in response to mt.

From what I know - and in my experience as a teacher - one of the worst things parents can do is play 'good cop, bad cop'. Parents need to present a united front so that the child receives exactly the same message from both mum and dad, whether it be a positive or a negative message. I think it's called singing from the same hymn sheet.

 
At 8:55 AM, Blogger MT said...

@dariushalavi: your point taken.. thank you for responding..

@hinamommy: still waiting for your take on that :)

cheerz!

 
At 7:33 PM, Blogger Hina said...

I agree with D. Although I feel that I take care of most of the discipline in the house, Omair always backs me up.

We stand a united front, because kids need to know that we're on the same team.

mt, I get what you're saying. Most of the time one parent plays a more aggresive role than the other, that's fine, as long as they both respect each other.

You'll be a great parent.

 
At 7:51 AM, Blogger MT said...

thank you hinamommy for replying... loved what u said in your last line ;) .. I hope i live upto everyone's expections :)

 
At 3:46 PM, Blogger jammie said...

hey hina- been a while since i visited but when i do- i end up spending a good while reaing up :)

tell me something- you metnioned boundaries- so what are those boundaries? as in what would she not be able to get away with? just curous how that defines the next gen-

in retrospect i feel my parents were the strict ones- not to say that we didnt laugh and be silly with them but there was an invisible line things we just didnt do- but then again times were diff when we were kids- so in the fast pacedness of today- how do you decide what is not allowed? do you base it on a gut instinct?

im not a parent yet- but i do relate to what you are saying- maybe being the eldest means youre always sorta in tha mode anyways :) hehe.

 

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