Saturday, August 12, 2006

How did you know you were ready to have a baby?

One of the most frequently asked questions I had to answer over the summer was… “How did you know you were ready to have a baby?”

With wedding fever all over and cousins and friends getting ready to tie the knot, it was the one thing that they all wanted to know. When is the “right” time to start a family? The correct answer to that question is… Never

No matter how prepared you might think you are, parenting is the one job you can never be ready for. Children are an anchor in your life. They add a lot of stability, but they also tend to weigh you down at times. Being a mom or dad (since this applies to both) means that you have to learn to live for someone else. Maybe that’s one thing no human is ever prepared to do.

It’s a tough job. You don’t get a “do-over” and you can’t walk away from it. You have to have good instincts, you have to have presence of mind and most importantly, you have to have a lot of unconditional love. Children can really beat down on you at times, so it’s equally important to understand that if you feel “overworked” and you want to quit, it’s ok.

Most people gasp and shudder when a parent says… I don’t want to do this anymore. But it’s unfair to gloss it up all the time. Parenting has its promising and fulfilling moments, but at the same time it has a lot of heartache and frustration. It’s ok to feel like you don’t want to be a parent at times.

I get really jealous of my non-parenting friends when they have absolute control over their lives. They make spontaneous plans, we can’t do that anymore.

So those of you moms and dads out there, who feel like quitting once in a while, remember that it’s ok. Raising a child is a tremendous amount of work, and if you’re doing it right, then you should be really proud of yourself. Don’t feel guilty if you want a part of your life back. Just learn to “readjust” your happiness to incorporate the little ones. We can’t stop being parents, but we should definitely know how to take our breaks!


At 8:47 PM, Blogger Lorraine said...

Truer words were never spoken.

At 10:47 PM, Anonymous Dena said...

I agree with Lorraine but as a Mother of 3 now grown Children I can add from experience that the job is never really over. Oh you get back the ability to do things for yourself again and being spontaneous but the the feelings of love, carring and wanting to help,show,teach,guide,protect are always still there lurking below the surface so when the phone rings or you have a grown child at your door you go instantly back in to Mom or Dad mode.And it is More then worth the effort. It is the hardest job in the world being respondsible for another human life and all it involoves but it is the most rewarding in my eyes and then someday you get a grandchild if your lucky like me and all those feelings multiply and come flooding back in more unconditional love then you can carry in your heart and both arms.(FYI- I'm Elizabeth's Mom and Grandma to Gabriel) Hina from what I have read your little girl is a lucky one as her Mom has a handle on this mommie job pretty well. all the best to the 3 of you

At 11:33 PM, Blogger Hina said...

Dena, welcome to our world! I still can't beleive how awesome it is that we're so far away, but still so connected. I visit Elizabeth's blog almost every day. It's like watching Gabriel growing up from here :)

Good to have you on board, hopefully you can share some of your experiences with me and help along the way.

I know that grandparents are such a treasure. Over these last few weeks I saw Iman making a connection with my parents and my in laws. They were so happy to have her, and I could tell that she was thrilled to be with them too!

At 1:13 AM, Blogger Khizzy said...

heu hina!
yes a very close friend of mine is getting married to ur friend waqas.
its the cutest story because me, waqas's new wife sana, and waqas's yonger brother are all close friends beceuse we went to college together in the same batch!
i went to the mehndi...danced my butt off, and got
missed the wedding beceuse of a lo3temperature...
inshallah will makei t to the valima! wat context did he mention my name?

At 9:34 AM, Anonymous Sherrine Francis said...


Everytime I tell my mom that I wanna be married for atleast 5 years before I'm ready to have a baby, she laughs in face and says "we'll see!" I always ignored her scoffs till one day I stopped and asked why and she said "there's no right time to have a child. Try all you want and you'll never be ready."

I thought she was insane. But you put the point across well.

I'll remember this!

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