Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Trying not to lose hope

There can’t be any greater loss in the world than losing your own child.

Earlier this year in March I had a miscarriage. This was a baby that both my husband and I really wanted. What made it even more painful, was the fact that we already had Iman, so we knew what parenthood and children were all about. I was about 11 weeks pregnant, and it took tremendous strength to overcome my own personal grief. My friends and family were extremely supportive, and thanks to all of them, it became easier to understand and accept the loss.

Since then, I have had a deeper sense of understanding the value of our offspring, and since then, I have learned stories of couples who have suffered a pain far worse than ours.

A girl I know was 5 months pregnant with her second baby. She went for a normal ultrasound and discovered the baby had no heartbeat. She was devastated, because she could feel the baby move around inside her. When they removed the fetus, it was in actual form.

My cousin had to be induced in order to give birth to her first son, who had passed away in the womb due to unknown causes.

My parent’s neighbor was pregnant with twins, and one died at 8 months, so they did an emergency c-section to save the other one. They had a beautiful baby girl, who was with them for one week, and then she too passed away due to unknown causes.

There are countless stories of parents who have children that fall ill in their first few years, and then pass away.

The administrator at my school just lost her 18 year old son due to a hit and run accident. 18 years of raising him, 18 years of endless love and memories, 18 years of uncountable moments of pride. 18 years, that ended without her even being able to tell him that she loved him.

The world is full of grief like this. Parents who have to come to terms with losing their own children, without being able to understand why it all happened.

I spoke to my mom after my miscarriage and she told me that yes, there is nothing more painful than losing your own child. But more so, it’s important for us to understand that we don’t give life to our children, we can only give them love.


At 4:38 PM, Blogger DariushAlavi said...

A very moving post, not least because of your mother's words. Equally tragic are stories of parents whose children are alive and well but to whom they don't seem capable of giving love.

At 7:40 PM, Blogger Lorraine said...

Hina, I'm very sorry for your loss earlier this year.

Every since The Child was given to us I've been aware of just how fragile everything can be, which I suppose is both a blessing and a curse. (Do I really need to worry that she's got pneumonia every time she gets a cough?)

Thanks for this post.

At 12:28 AM, Blogger Michelle said...

This is a touching blog. So sorry about your loss.

At 6:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 6:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

woah! that hit me like a punch. very unusual post. I cannot think of a scarier thing in the world and have seen a lot of it around me in my extended family. Mothers having to bear the grief of seeing grown up children pass away. Just the idea is so unbearable.

At 9:28 PM, Blogger the olive ream said...

Hina that was an impeccably written and a very moving post.

I peruse through your blog wares and I found your posts are such a wonderfully good read. Like a window into your life.

Btw, it was wonderful to meet you Hina and your husband. And your daughter is adorable (mashallah).

Mayheps, perchance we can all have another blog meet in the future.

At 10:45 PM, Blogger Faisal Khan said...

Hina - so sorry to hear that. Meeting up with you and your adorable daughter and hubby, was a very enjoyable experience. You are so full of life (MashahAllah). Everything that happens in our life has some higher meaning if you know what I mean.

Last year my sister lost her baby daughter after birth - so I know what you went through. My sister still has a son (2 1/2 year old). However, what was most revealing in this sad episode was that we came across a woman in the hospital who lost her 6 yes sixth consecutive kid, and she was praying to Allah - literally crying and begging to have one kid. Just one, be it dark or fair skinned, blind or disabled, she would be so thankful to Allah for that one kid. Looking at that woman there - I can tell you she was an inspiration to all others who had lost. We need to be so thankful of what we had, for Allah giveth and Allah taketh away.

Be strong! You have a beautiful reason to be so.

At 10:45 AM, Blogger Hina said...

I didn't think this would generate so many responses. Usually I have silent readers.

D, I know what you mean. I know of many such parents who have the opportunity to love and nurture their children, but they don't. It's a sad fact, maybe even sadder than losing them.

Lorraine, children teach us the importance of life. Without them, I guess we would never learn to value the present.

Michelle, thanks for the wishes. As I have learned... life goes on. There will be more kids (God willing, but this one will always remain in my heart.

Sabizak, it was nice to see you in person. Hopefully we'll be able to turn your UAE experience around!

Olive Ream, keep visiting, you'll learn a lot more about parenting. But there is a lot more to me than this blog :) and perhaps/maybe we shall DEFINATELY meet again, inshallah

Faisal, Sorry to hear about your sister's loss. There are so many of these stories around us. I just feel that they make us more human. And humble, to know that what we have won't last forever. I wish your family the best of health and happiness always. It was great to meet you and wife. Hopefully there will be more of these coffees/dinners when you're in town :)

Thanks all for your words of enouragement and messages. As I have learned from my daughter, there is always a glimmer of hope, no matter how bad our day may be.

At 10:09 AM, Anonymous Sherrine Francis said...

Hi Hina,

It's been so long. Here's a woman you will be able to relate to.

Read this first:

then this:

then this:

and lastly this: (So much to be thankful for)

I wish you all the strength in the world.
Sorry about your loss,
I cannot even imagine how you did it.
Praying for you...

At 2:25 PM, Blogger vintage said...

i'm not a mommy, so i cant relate to this -yet. but the post moved me nonetheless.

the only way i know how to fix things when there is no other way is by giving a hug, and here is one for you:

*givng u the longest, tightest cyber-hug ever* <--you can use this to get the hug a thousand times over if we ever meet in 'real' life.

thank you for sharing. and thank you for staying strong and having the courage to share this with us.


Post a Comment

<< Home