Thursday, August 11, 2005

Getting kicked while you’re down (literally)

Getting to know other people with children the same age as ours has been an interesting concept. Now, we aren’t just looking at the person, but also their parenting skills. I might meet someone that has the makings of a great friend/hang out companion, but the next thing you know they say something really bizarre about the way they are raising their little one, and you can’t help but grab yours and inch to the door.

In continuation to my birthday celebrations I had a party at my place for a group of moms and their kids (all near Iman’s age). Most of them I’ve know for a few months now, but there was a new girl on the invitee list (my neighbor’s recommendation). Up front she was great. Good family, well dressed, didn’t smell. She has a 19 month old son. He was also well dressed (clothes from NEXT), looked visibly healthy and well taken care of.

It was good to know that Iman had another person to include on future play dates.

That was a first impression. Things got worse, MUCH worse.

A little into the party, the demon child (my new name for him) shows his true colors. First, he’s really violent towards all the other kids. Personally, I don’t mind if kids rough it up a little, after all, it’s healthy to let them fight there own battles. BUT in this case, read on…

First of all Iman’s already sick, so she isn’t on top of her game. But this kid actually pushes her (face down), sits on her and then starts punching her back!!!!!!!

OH MY GOD!! If my heart hadn’t stopped beating maybe I could have reacted faster and saved her from the whole experience. I ran to her rescue, obviously now she was crying hysterically, and tried to comfort her. Now you have to understand that Iman is a “people’s person” she’ll go and play with anyone. So this was a direct violation to her existence. She was only trying to make friends, but this DEMON CHILD, actually took advantage of her friendliness.

Of course shaken from the whole experience I turned around and tried to brave face it. After all, this was a new mom in MY house. I couldn’t just be rude. I was going to play in on her actions, you know… I was expecting her to say something to her son, so I could turn around and say.. “yes, we have to watch the kids, some times they can be so aggressive, ha ha ha” BUT to my surprise… she didn’t react!! Not a flinch. She just kept on talking to another one of the girls, completely unmoved by her DEMON CHILD’S violent actions toward my poor innocent little girl.

Ok, so I brushed it off as “really bizarre” and comforted Iman in my lap for the next few minutes. But then, kids will be kids, and she wanted me to put her down so she could go and play again. Against my wishes, she rejoined the group, but only a few moments later, she was pushed AGAIN (by the DEMON CHILD) this time he kicked her, again and again until I got there and pulled her up!!
Now let me just state that I am the kind of parent who doesn’t interfere with children playing. If there are some “push and shove” incidents I let them slide, because kids will learn to be gentle and aggressive in different situations. It’s all a part of personality development. So generally I don’t help Iman fight her battles. But this wasn’t a battle it was a massacre!

Obviously he’s off the play date list.

When I relayed the entire incident to Omair, he was ready to go over and kick this poor kids teeth in. I would have gladly shown him the way, but really… what do you do in this kind of a situation? I can’t hold Iman back from playing, and I certainly don’t want her to come back bruised. I don’t want to teach her to hit back (not just yet…) so what then?

How can I keep her safe, and let her go at the same time? How do you tackle perfectly normal people who are perfectly horrible parents??

10 Comments:

At 4:31 PM, Blogger arfiman said...

Seriously, I would have looked the mother straight in the eye and said ' excuse me, is 'name' always this aggressive' or 'Hey bitch, please control your child!'

On second thought, I would've pictured the kid as an american football and seen if I could get a conversion (i.e. let's see how hard we can can kick it!).

Ok, seriously, in these cases I do not at all condone your prim and proper way. Even if it was my house, image be damned, I would tell her off and if she didn't seem to care - out of my house she goes - to hell with how I look or impressions - my family are much more important than that!

 
At 4:32 PM, Blogger arfiman said...

Actually, if Omair had been there while this happened, I think this is what he would have (or should have) done as well

 
At 6:47 PM, Blogger Smoky said...

Dropkicking the child seems a bit excessive though one TOIGHT slap would certainly solve the issue.

Guaranteed, "Damien" would not pick on people weaker than him (or anyone else) anymore.

To cover the backlash from the mom I would just pretend (not so hard I guess) to be overcome by emotion's raised by my daughter being attacked in this way and if the devil's mother doesn't like that then she needs to be told to control her spawn.

 
At 10:47 PM, Blogger Hina said...

Gentlemen, calm your horses. I would have loved to beat the crap out of him too, (picture me sitting on the little one and punching his stomach in), but really, he's 19 months. Hardly aware that what he is doing is wrong. I say that, because at this age children only learn right and wrong from their parents. If his mom didn't tell him that what he was doing was bad, he probably thought he was engaging in friendly play.

Arfi... I thought this post would have you storming through the door, to do justice for Iman where her parents couldn't, (see if a random stranger kicks the kid while walking by, no one can really say anything... can they?)

As for the mom. Well, I guess I'm new at this too. Iman definately comes first, which is why I rescued her. By the way, I did tell the mom that her son was a little too rough for the little girls. He hit another one with a hard plastic toy.

 
At 12:23 PM, Blogger Smoky said...

Nobody who picks on girls (little or otherwise) should be allowed to get away with it. Especially those as cute and sweet as Iman.

 
At 9:51 AM, Blogger bakpakchik said...

WTF HIMAMOMMY!

If I was in your place, I would have 'accidentally' stepped on the child, or 'dropped' some scalding, hot tea on him by 'mistake', or atleast 'accidentally' chopped off one or more of his offensive digits.

Demon children MUST be exterminated.

Seriously woman, you are SO NOT socializing with Demonmommy anymore.

Try having a 'chat' with your neighbor and tell her how mortified you were by the blind-eye Bitchdemonmommy turned towards her Demon child.

 
At 1:07 PM, Anonymous Omair said...

I agree BPC.

If parents are unable to mind their kid others have every right to mind them. Mind it!

But seriously I would just sit next to the kid and push him every time he tried anything on Iman. For that matter anything on any one else. Any lip from the unconcerned parent can be countered by the few simple words "oh, you don’t want me to take care of your child, well then why don't you. (pushing kid hard towards the parent)".

The child is the responsibility of the parents. We have had kids over before. Yet any sign of unsociable behavior from them and the parents jump to their kids side. It’s what we would do and that is exactly what we would expect others to do.

Now the question is you can do that (push the demon kid around) to a stranger, but what if it is some one you know.

Like a long time friend who has just become a parent. A relative maybe a sister/brother in law or maybe even your bosses’ kid.

Can’t injure the kid then can you or can you?

What if the kid isn’t a physical demon child but a verbal demon, as a story I was told the other day. Kid knows all the bad words in Urdu. You know the one like “behn…” and “maa…” etc. and is only three. The parents are unfazed and say “Bachaa hai…” while you innocent boy or girl is assaulted by these words.

What do you do in situation like these…

Omair

 
At 1:54 PM, Blogger Hina said...

BPC- I'm currently working on an "accident" strategy.

I can't stop meeting this mother. She lives in my building and has become another member of our "mommy and me" parties.

But I'm thinking that the next time the kid tries something, I'll be vocal about it.

DAMIEN MUST BE STOPPED!

 
At 9:41 AM, Blogger bakpakchik said...

DAMIEN MUST BE KILLED!

 
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