Bringing up the baby and the "big girl"

Moving Spaces

2007-09-07T00:00:00.000+04:00

I've decided to blog on Wordpress. You can click here to access the new site.

See you on the other side!

Returning the Favor

2007-09-06T22:14:00.000+04:00

Yesterday my neighbor asked if she could drop her 1 year old daughter at our place while he tied up a few loose ends at home. I've never watched someone else's child before, so it was strange for me, but since Iman goes over to play some times, I thought it wouldn't be fair for me to say no. And what the hell... If I can watch 2, I can watch 3. Right?

The play date/babysitting went fine. Iman did most of the entertaining, in fact I just sat and supervised the group. It was kind of fun. The neighbor baby can crawl, throw a ball, clap and chase after Iman, so it wasn't a surprise that Iman just took the lead, and thoroughly enjoyed the position of being "eldest". Ayzah was also happy to see someone else in the house acting silly. It was a good combination.

On the other hand, I sat there and contemplated the favor. I'm sure that when my neighbor asked me to watch her daughter, she probably thought that she wasn't asking anything out of the ordinary, since my daughter goes over to play at her place. But I guess the difference is that I don't consider Iman a child that needs constant supervision. She can entertain herself and is quite self sufficient when it comes to play time. The neighbor baby however, is at that age where she gets into everything, and has no sense of danger. So it's not an even trade... is it?

With all that said, it was still fun to watch the kids playing together. Kind of a glimpse of our future, where Iman and Ayzah will keep each other thoroughly entertained - I hope.

Learning the Alphabet

2007-09-05T16:05:00.000+04:00

On our drive home from school, I asked Iman... "What did the teacher talk about today?", and she replied... "She talked about ass." I was shocked. So I asked again... "What did she talk about?" and sure enough, Iman's reply... "She showed us an ass and then we got to paint it."

My mind was racing for an explanation, but Iman was so sure of what she was saying. So I thought maybe she was pulling my leg (these days she has a sure knowledge of humor). So I insisted that she was mistaken.

"Really honey, I'm sure you're getting it wrong, I know your teacher couldn't have talked to you about ass."

"Yes she did. She told us ass is for snake, and we got to paint an ass shaped snake."

Leaving her behind

2007-09-04T10:01:00.000+04:00

She was so happy this morning when I woke her up. Excited to get ready in her new clothes and head to her school. We did a quick photo session before she left, showing off her back pack and new look. When we got to the class, her teacher welcomed her in with a big hug. She went in and sat down and the assistant teacher helped her pick out something to play with.

One of the kids was crying and another boy was running around. Iman was sort of quiet, I think that it was too much for her to take in at one time. It took a lot of strength for me to kiss her goodbye. Even though she spent all of last year at daycare, this was completely different. At daycare she saw me several times in the day. I could go to her whenever I wanted, and play with her, sit with her, feed her or just hang out with her. Today, I walked out of her school, and I can't go back until 1.

A part of me feels completely torn. The house doesn't feel the same, and I have nothing to do. Ayzah is equally confused, looking around, here and there. Just not knowing how to express herself. I just spoke to Omair, who asked "So, how does the house feel without our little star?" - Yes, truly, Iman is the star of our lives, it's just not the same without her.

Commencement

2007-09-03T18:18:00.000+04:00

We are going to experience the start of something great tomorrow. Iman's first day of nursery school! It's something she's been looking forward to since the beginning of summer, and something I've always had mixed feelings about.

Traditionally all moms breath a sigh of relief when their kids head off to school in September. It gives them some personal space. I guess I might just feel the same way in a few years. But for the time being, there are some mixed emotions in my heart. On one hand, I'm glad that she's going to go out and spend time constructively among other kids. Her horizon of activities will broaden, and she'll get time for herself. I will benefit too. With Ayzah's morning nap, I will get a whole hour on my own. There will be quiet time to read, even watch trashy morning TV. I can do whatever I please (which is quite rare when you have a 3 year old around).

But on the other hand, there's a pinch in my heart every time I think that Iman will be gone all morning. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to enjoy the break (eventually). But for the time being, she's such an essential part of my day, that I don't know what my life will be like without her.

On the eve of Iman's commencement, I don't know if I am ready to let go of her little hand, and let her venture out into the world on her own.

The moral of the story is...

2007-09-02T23:57:00.001+04:00

If you're a mom, you'll definitely relate to this.

It's been a long hard day at home with the kids. There was so much noise that you felt the neighbors could hear the baby howling. You're exhausted, sleep deprived and you feel like crying. But eventually the kids finally go to bed and you manage to get some "quiet time".

After an hour or so you decide to pop your head into the room and check on the kids. They look so adorable. Almost angelic. Sleeping so peacefully. So you decide to treat them to an extra hug and whisper an "I love you" into their ear before you go to bed.

BIG MISTAKE.

Never disturb sleeping children - not matter how cute they look.

Cheating on our Pediatrician

2007-08-31T11:12:00.000+04:00

Finding the right doctor for the kids has been one of the most challenging things this past year. Iman's old pediatrician was situated on the other side of town, and wasn't really working for us in times of emergency, not to mention, he refused to take phone calls. So when we were acquainted to Dr. Malini who worked at the hospital near our house, it was perfect! She immediately won my heart, and cleared my stringent check list.

Things progressed well. When Ayzah was born at the same hospital, Dr. Malini was the first to see her. I was happy that the kids were in good hands. BUT... then she packed up and left. Damn.

Since I was really happy with the hospital, I took the kids to another pediatrician who worked there - Dr. Jalil. Not really my kind of guy, but he knew his stuff. I like doctors who chat with us, remember my kids names and win the children's hearts. He didn't have any of that, but we still stuck with him because Omair felt that his experience spoke for itself.

Then, we met Dr. Deepali. Same hospital, but a whole different personality. She was warm and friendly. On one of the appointments she gave Iman a pen and paper to draw with while she spoke to us. She was concerned about both girls, and even though we had gone in to show Ayzah, she dealt with a lot of our questions regarding Iman.

I was sold. But then there was the problem of switching doctors at the same hospital, without feeling weird about it.

Yesterday Ayzah was due for a vaccination. When we walked into the reception, Dr. Jalil was making his way to the cafeteria (which, by the way, is where he spends most of his time). So I ducked to the water cooler. Then while we were sitting in the waiting room, he made his way back. So again, I tried to hide the entire family behind a newspaper. When our turn was called, I made sure we all quietly entered the office (since both pediatric clinics are side by side).

On our way home, Omair asked why I put on the whole show, and I said:
"Well if we're going to cheat on our pediatrician, the least we can do is be discrete about it."

And she's off!

2007-08-28T14:55:00.001+04:00

Yesterday Ayzah managed to turn by herself. PLOP! From back to front. And then she started crying because she didn't know what to do. We all wanted to capture the moment, the camera's were pulled out, all eyes were on her... the excitement, the cheering, the wild waving of toys to get her to roll again... but no avail.

Ayzah was happier to watch us three acting like monkeys. She looked back and forth from one to the other grinning her toothless smile. But no turn. Slowly the camera batteries started to give way... and no turn. Our enthusiasm started fading... still no turn. And then finally... when we thought there would be no more action from Ayzah, she did it again!!

We managed to make the video, all though Iman kept popping her head in front of the camera with comments (and some times just funny faces).

So it's over. She's no longer a "sit still" "leave alone" baby. We've got to start keeping and eye on her too.

The funny thing is that today, it takes her one second to turn. The novelty has worn off a little, because every time she turns, she lifts her head and starts crying. Hmmm... maybe it's time to teach Iman how to turn the baby over.

Love, Life and the Pursuit of Glamour

2007-08-23T12:45:00.000+04:00

Long before I had Iman, long, long before I had even thought about having kids, I had promised myself one thing... no matter how demanding motherhood would be, I would never turn into one of those women who let their kids "take over" their personal appearance.

Ok, so I can't avoid the spit ups and the chocolate stains. I can't even avoid the rumpled "slept in" look on my clothes. But I can certainly keep a good haircut and look glamorous, despite the 3 year year old and the baby in tow.

Some days as I apply mascara while bouncing Ayzah in the other hand, I wonder if God meant for moms to look scruffy. But then I guess not. Moms have a lot of responsibility and a lot on their hands. If we can do something for ourselves, we should be proud, and happy to see a reflection of our old selves in our new roles.

The right way, the wrong way, the Iman way and the Ayzah way...

2007-08-20T22:22:00.000+04:00

There is the right way of doing things with kids and there is a wrong way. Then there is the way that we went while raising Iman, and now, a new path that we have chosen with Ayzah.

As our first born, Iman has suffered a lot of our "mistakes". Some things we did out of love for her, and some things we did because we weren't too sure of ourselves. But now, when I look back, I feel I could have handled certain things better. And then God gave us a do-over in form of Ayzah.

Now we have all the experience of Iman, and a brand new baby to do things right with. We're watching our steps more carefully and making sure we don't make the same mistakes that we did the last time. But as amusing as it may be, we're making new mistakes!

The lucky thing is that parenting is an on going process, and most mistakes can be fixed or outgrown. But there's one lesson that we've learned by heart... there's no way we can be perfect parents.

Almost there

2007-08-15T22:37:00.000+04:00

Ayzah has been shifting and moving a lot over the past few days. Yesterday she managed to get a "half roll" in there. I thought I was excited, but Iman was even more overjoyed. I think for the first time she realized that Ayzah would grow up and eventually become a kid, and in time, someone she can play with.

Nurturing the Competitive Streak

2007-08-12T11:07:00.000+04:00

We all know not to do it. And we all swear that we wouldn't dare. But on that one day, where you make the mistake, it makes life SO much more easier... and then you discover that you're hooked.

Trying to get Iman to do anything these days is a task and a half. Every day feels like a new battle, and somehow my cute little "yes mommy" baby has turned into the "I don't want" monster.

But one fine day (totally accidentally) we discovered the key to make Iman go. Not only does she listen to us, she does it willingly and with lots of excitement.

We've tapped into her competitive streak.

Now, previously dreadful tasks are fun and full of life. All we have to say is "Let's see who's going to win... Iman or __________?" And Iman is off.

Getting ready for bed used to be painstakingly difficult in our house. Every night there would be a struggle to get Iman into the bathroom, wash up, brush her teeth and get into her pajamas. We would try whatever we could to make it pleasant, but in a matter of minutes the whole thing would turn into a wild circus with Iman adamantly refusing.

Now the entire procedure is simple and problem free. In fact, it's even fun. After we tell Iman it's time for bed, we add on... "Let's see who's going to win today! Iman or Ayzah?" Omair and I take one child each and start the bed-time process. It's become a lot of fun. And secretly I even enjoy it. After the whole wildness of getting ready... we all cozy on the couch together for bedtime stories.

I know we're treading on dangerous waters. Children become obsessed with competition when simple tasks are turned into races. Winning become a necessity and it becomes increasingly difficult to handle losing. I don't want to turn Iman into one of those kids who just HAS to compete in everything. But believe me... these past few days have been so easy. Getting her to do things has become enjoyable, so I think I'll let my guilt take a side for a few more days while I enjoy a vacation from this "I don't want" attitude.

The trouble with ice cream...

2007-08-09T21:29:00.000+04:00

It melts, and dribbles and runs all over your hands and clothes. Iman had a recent encounter with it. After finishing an ice cream cone Iman looked down at her shirt and said...

"Oh crap!"

Girls Night Out

2007-08-08T19:52:00.000+04:00

One of the best things about motherhood is coming home from a girl's night out, and finding your children asleep.

Happy Birthday to Me

2007-08-06T23:24:00.000+04:00

Birthday celebrations started early. More pictures to come.

Changing Faces

2007-08-04T19:57:00.000+04:00

Just today, while reading Jammie's blog, I was reminded of an old tradition that I have maintained in our family. Ever since Iman was born, I took a picture of her on the 26th of every month, and then after her 1st birthday, a picture every year on the date. I have all the shots in a collage that I update each year.

Ever since Ayzah's birth, I have done the same for her.

Today, when Jammie was talking about changing faces and resemblances, I mentioned this to her, and then decided to share it in the blog as well. Over the year, while I watched Iman grow every day I didn't realize that she changed a million faces, but now, when I look at this collection of pictures it amazes me at the number of times her features changes, but the spirit in her eyes remained the same.

Here is the collection so far, although Ayzah's is much smaller, it's building up slowly. I would like to recommend this to all parents and parent-to-be's. It's a great way to capture the inevitable change and a beautiful collection that you and your loved ones will treasure forever.

Ayzah Who?

2007-08-01T12:13:00.000+04:00

It's a funny thing how the older sibling (the louder and more chattier one) ends up taking center stage EVERY time. I went to Karachi this summer because the families were dying to see Ayzah, but while we were there, it was Iman who always stole the show.

Funny as it goes, that's pretty much the case on the blog as well. Ayzah is over 3 months now, and hardly 2 posts about her.

Hmm... shame on me? Well not really. I think the earlier months of child raising aren't very eventful.

Ayzah is doing well, she's got a contagious smile which beams out every time she sees us. She's managed to carve herself a niche in the family, despite the fact that Iman is always jumping around doing something or the other. Ayzah has her quieter ways to captivate us. Initially I thought Omair wouldn't be able to make the connection with her (since Iman makes sure she has his undivided attention). But over the weeks I have noticed stolen moments between the two, where it seems more than obvious that Omair is falling in love all over again.

Blog Day Afternoon

2007-07-27T23:01:00.000+04:00

Over the last couple of year I've been a regular reader of a blog about a girl who wrote her experiences about getting married, post-wedding life and then her pregnancy and now motherhood.

This summer, while I was back in Karachi, I got a chance to meet up with her and see her son. It was a remarkable experience to watch things come in full circle. Although it was a bit weird at first... we were complete strangers, who knew so much about each other! But we had a good laugh about that too.

That's the great thing about blogging. It really connects people.

Jammie, Mona and I were pregnant at the same time. I used to read their blogs every day. Even though we didn't know each other, we had so much in common. It was great fun to read their experiences and their mind set as things progressed. As we continue on our ways, it is these people who will be a part of my life as I work my way around parenting my kids. Their experiences and stories make me smile and I can always relate to them. Write on ladies... you brighten up my day!

Thanks Jammie, for a lovely afternoon. It was a treat to see you and your son.

The Day's Re-Cap, through little eyes

2007-07-18T21:28:00.000+04:00

Every night when I am putting Iman to bed, I make sure to have a conversation. I ask her about her day, and the things that happened. And through her words, I get to see the little things that she found important. Although we spent the day together, and I saw the things that she saw, and I did the things that she did, our perspectives often differ. I really enjoy hearing her point of view. She recounts simple things, things that made her happy.

In the weeks that I have been doing this, I have noticed that not once does she mention the upsetting things that happened that day. She remembers her life for all the good that it contained. And as her mom, it makes me happy to know that in her thoughts, the world is a wonderful place to live in, and in her life she has all the contentment anyone could need.

Baby Fat

2007-07-17T22:09:00.000+04:00

Everyone seems to think that it's ok to tell me that I've put on weight. Since when was this acceptable behavior? I thought that politeness requires people to remain quiet. In my case, I have been forced to say "It's just baby fat, and I haven't started working it off yet."

Re-Defining Roles

2007-07-14T18:50:00.000+04:00

This post is dedicated to an age old problem... the joint family vs. nuclear family living situation.

Since we raise our kids in Dubai, there is no one there to influence or guide our parenting strategies, but whenever I come to Karachi, I see the flip side of the coin. It carries several pros and cons, but always proves to be a strong learning experience for me.

During this trip, Iman is a little bit older, and she has learned to use her grandparents as a defence. Initially, I wasn't prepared to handle the situation, so I always ended up looking like the bad guy. No matter how I tried to manipulate the scene, I was the "angry bad mom" who was being cruel to her child. All credit to Iman, for being able to "outsmart" me.

But in time I learned a valuable lesson. I will always be her mom, a figure of love and support, no matter how evil I may be. On the other hand, her grandparents will always hold a special place in her heart. People who can be a part of her tricks, and giggle with her when mom catches them in the act. I just have to learn to appreciate their contirbutions in her life and learn to love the role they play, because parents will be parents, and grandparents will be the ones to guide them as well as being their friends.

Instead of being threatened by the role that grandparents play, I should embrace it. I should let them nurture their bond with Iman, knowing that with them, she is in safe hands. And maybe in time, when she might not want to confide in me, she can go to them, becuase like me, they will love her just the same.

Travel Tales

2007-07-04T17:41:00.000+04:00

Every time I go to the airport, I always buy a magazine at the magazine stand. Call it plane reading or just plain tradition, but it's something I have done at all airports.

This time, with Iman in hand and Ayzah in lap, I had the right intention, and I even made it to the magazine stand, but there weren't enough hands to pick up the magazine. But all the better, because there wasn't any time to read anyways.

Travelling with the girls... minus the hubby

2007-06-27T18:57:00.001+04:00

I've been off the blogging scene for a while. Things have been busy. Being back at work and Omair's late hours along with the two little ones has left me with no time to write.

I just popped in to tell everyone that I am going on vacation so I might not be around for another long while.

See you all on the other side of this holiday.

Happy Father's Day!

2007-06-17T15:05:00.000+04:00

To the kind of dad who doesn't mind playing silly games, reading bedtime stories, watching the same movies again and again and again and again.

Who likes to go to play areas and eat happy meals. Who likes to take trips to the park, who likes to build tall towers. Who likes to cuddle up with his girls and have tickles under the covers.

Who can scare away big monsters and find the hidden creatures while brushing teeth. Who holds those tiny hands during doctor visits and gives big bear hugs in the middle of the night.

To the kind of Dad who tops all the rest.

Happy Father's Day Omair,

Thanks for maintaining sanity in our house. Thanks for rolling up your sleeves and jumping into the dirty work as soon as you come home from the office. Thanks for the support and love you provide for this family. Thanks for putting up with all my shortcomings as I try to settle into this new phase in our lives.

Even though I have had my doubts, you have proven to be an exceptional father. Our girls are very lucky to have you in their lives, and I am lucky to have you in mine. I love you.

There were four in the bed and the little one said...

2007-06-16T08:52:00.000+04:00

Weekend mornings have always been my favorite. This is probably because I am a morning person, and the best way to wake up is without an alarm, and your loved ones near you.

This particular weekend, Iman decided to climb into bed with us for a pre-morning snuggle, and to make it even better, Omair got Ayzah from her crib too. So here we were, all cuddled up in a queen size bed (which Omair had bought for himself before we were even married!).

Ayzah was awake and excited to be a part of the family. She contributed with coos and caas, and a few gurgles, as well as some precious smiles which we have all come to love. Iman was her usual chirpy self. Telling us all kinds of stories. We had hugs and tickles and laughs and giggles.

It was the best morning I have had in a long time.

Too Many Cooks

2007-06-12T20:26:00.000+04:00

I went back to work last week and decided that it's very unnatural for new moms to have a job. My 45 day maternity leave seemed to pass by too quickly, and now that I am back at work I'm hating every minute of it.

Lucky for me, the kids at school are having their finals, so they're only in for an hour every day. The rest of the time we're devoted to checking, making reports, writing out next year's syllabus, ordering books and equipment for the next teachers and packing up for the summer.

Even luckier for me, I get to keep Ayzah with me. Administration has been really kind, so Ayzah stays in the staffroom as I go about my day.

Since babies are the center of everyone's world, Ayzah has created a strong fan following. Every day I have ten different people willing to help carry her, change her, put her to sleep... you name it, there are people to help. It's a good feeling, until there are too many of them...

Being a part of the Arab community, I soon learned that they are very stubborn. Everyone thinks that they "know" what they are doing. When Ayzah starts crying, I have a dozen people hovering around, each with their own thought process...

"She's hungry, you have to feed her"
"She needs a diaper change"
"She's cold, touch her feet, they're freezing"
"You didn't bring socks?!?"
"Wait, you aren't wrapping her right, let me do it"
"Why is she still crying?"
"Maybe she needs to sleep"
"Or maybe her stomach is hurting"
"You should burp her"
"No wait, it's gas"
"Hold her across your lap"
"No on your shoulder..."

And as they all carry on about themselves, each contributing to what they think is correct, I sit back smiling, knowing that they all love her, and they all want to help.

"By myself"

2007-06-07T22:33:00.000+04:00

Maybe it's the fact that we have been emphasizing to Iman that she is a "big girl" now, or maybe because since Ayzah's birth Iman sees herself as the bigger more independent child of the house, I don't know what's caused it, but my little 3 year old has decided that she can do everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, by herself.

I can't even count the number of times each day I get to hear "I'll do it by myself".

She can eat by herself, she can dress herself, she can wear her own shoes, she can comb her own hair, she can get on to the toilet, she can brush her own teeth, she can spend hours entertaining herself with self made games...

and today, when I popped her in the bath, she went ahead to say "Mama go out, I'm a big girl and I can wash myself."

In reply I asked... "Even your hair?"
and her answer... "Yes mom, even my hair." (suggesting... DUH!)

People may think that a child's growing independence is a time to celebrate. It even seems convenient that the elder child has learned to manage herself at most tasks, but there is something bizarre about motherhood, no matter how old they get, we just don't want them to grow up and stop needing us.

Thank you Mom

2007-06-02T10:51:00.000+04:00

My Mom had come to stay with me when Ayzah was born. Even though I had already played the "mommy" game before, being a mother of two was an entirely new concept that needed training.

Mom's presence was enough to give me strength and energy to tackle a 3-year old and a newborn at the same time. When she wasn't helping hands on, she was giving me valuable words of wisdom. Her stay was full of long conversations, late night gossip sessions, shopping sprees, cooking expeditions and a few fights along the way.

She left yesterday, and I feel like I've never been so alone.

Me: I don't want you to go yet.
Mom: I think it's about time you settled into your routine.
Me: But I'm afraid of being alone.
Mom: You're not alone, you've got 2 kids.
Me: That's why I'm afraid.

Happy 3rd Birthday Iman!

2007-05-27T18:50:00.000+04:00

When your child has a birthday it's a great time to reflect over the past year and realize all the countless things she has learned and how she has enriched your life.

Thank you Iman, for adding so much love and laughter into our family. We love you!

What goes around comes around...

2007-05-25T19:41:00.000+04:00

On a normal day Iman's TV time is limited to 1 hour. An episode of Barney and an episode of Dora is all that she's allowed. But of late, things haven't been normal in the house, because of which we've been slipping, and Iman has been watching more TV than we would like.

On several occasions I have said to her... "If you watch too much TV, you'll turn into a TV and then I'll have to put you on the wall and watch you all the time."

Mind you, this isn't taken as a serious threat in our house. She finds it really silly and funny and gets a great laugh out of it.

So yesterday, I was watching something on TV and Iman came to me and covered my eyes. When I asked her why she did that, she replied in a VERY serious tone...

"You're watching too much TV, if you watch too much TV you'll turn into a TV and then I will have to put you on the wall and watch you."

Oh great. She's using my own words against me.

Size Zero

2007-05-18T12:14:00.000+04:00

Pregnant women can enjoy their bump while it lasts. But once that baby comes out... the pressure to get back into shape is on!

The worst part is that the post pregnancy woman probably looks the worst that she ever has. You've got flab hanging from your tummy, even though the child is out, your child bearing hips are still in tact, your face retains the swelling, the bags under your eyes are like two black holes and the worst by far... you gave birth to a 3kg baby AND the placenta, there is no more amniotic fluid and your uterus is back to size, but you've only lost 7kg from the weight they took at the hospital when you went in for labor (in comparison to the 17 you gained during the last 9 months)

To add to my woes, there are absolutely NO clothes made for post-pregnancy. For the past 5 days I have been searching for a top to wear for Iman's 3rd birthday party. I have been to 3 sales and a handful of other stores. All I need is something cute and trendy that covers my still prominent child bearing hips.

But no avail! Dubai is stocked with maternity outlets which carry sizes for all kind of bumps. They add that oomph to your already curvy figure and make you look good. Then there are stores that cater to proportionate women. There are small sizes and big sizes, but no sizes for my still prominent child bearing hips... Are there no un-proportionate women out there?

Cute-iful!

2007-05-16T18:21:00.000+04:00

Iman has always been a self admirer. Once in a while we find her combing her hair in front of the mirror, and declaring that she is so beautiful! We also get to hear comments like...

My hair looks so nice.
My clothes are very pretty.
I am so beautiful.
I'm a princess.

The list goes on...

(Obviously we don't have self esteem issues in this house :)

Today, she decided that there were no words in the English language to describe her. She dug out a twirly dress from her closet, put it on, did a little turn for me and said... "Look mommy, I'm so cute-iful!"

I thought she made a mistake, so I said... "You mean beautiful?"

And her reply... "No mommy, not beautiful -- cute-iful. That means cute AND beautiful."

Happy Mother's Day

2007-05-13T21:43:00.000+04:00

Mean Moms

Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent,

I will tell them, as my Mean Mom told me:

I loved you enough ... . to ask where you were going, with whom,

and what time you would be home.

I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.

I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room,

a job that should have taken 15 minutes.

I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes.

Children must learn that their parents aren't perfect.

I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions

even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.

But most of all, I loved you enough . . .

to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it.

Those were the most difficult battles of all.

I'm glad I won them, because in the end you won, too.

And someday when your children are old enough to understand the logic

that motivates parents, you will tell them.

For all you mom's and mom's to be out there... Happy Mother's Day!

Omair, thanks for the beautiful evening.

And thanks especially for making it special for my mom as well!

What's in a name?

2007-05-11T22:06:00.000+04:00

Choosing the right name for your child is the biggest responsibility. There are so many things to consider... not to mention, this is the identity you are creating for your child before they can make one for themselves.

I am a firm believer that the name has to "grow" with the baby. So, when I was 3 months pregnant with Iman, Omair and I had gone through baby names like there was no tomorrow. Since we didn't want to find out the gender of the baby, and we didn't want to wait until the baby was born in order to find a name, we ended up settling on 2 names, one for a boy and the other for a girl. Omair had really taken to the name Iman and I had chosen Rayyan. Since we had a girl, Iman was welcomed into our lives.

This time around, we found out that we were having a girl at week 20. So we were name hunting since then. There were many that made the list... Ayzah, Jennah, Riham, Amal, Myra.

The chosen one was of course, Ayzah.

Why this and not any other? I don't know. I've always felt that naming my children is a HUGE responsibility. The name has to suit them as a baby, as a school kid, as a teenager, as a college student, as a colleague, and as a spouse. Let's say, I am looking for something classy that will grow with them.

We had come across Ayzah when my sister was pregnant. At the time she chose another name, but Omair and I really liked it, so it stuck in our minds. When we found out that we were going to have a girl, we tried to look for other names, but this one just kept making the top of the list.

And when we welcomed our second born into the world, Ayzah just seemed like it was her name.

P.S. Ayzah is more commonly spelled Aizah. And it means noble. I have also heard that Ayzah was Hazrat Ali's (RA) daughter, but I have no real proof or confirmation on that.

Just when you think you have things in control...

2007-05-08T20:59:00.000+04:00

I've realized that when you're raising children, you can never settle into a "comfort zone". Everytime you THINK you've got it all figured out, the child throws a curve ball your way and you're feilding is all off.

I am a person that oozes organization. I MUST have things under control. I need to know what's coming next. So when I started on my journey as a mother, it was natural for me to try and find the flow of things. It wasn't long before I realized that raising children is a constant form of education. You NEVER stop learning, because they never stop changing.

When Iman was born, every few months, when I felt like I had her all figured out, she would change her pattern and I would be back to sqaure one.

In my natural contsruction, this was the most frustrating thing, becuase I felt like things would never settle down. But I came to learn that embracing the constant change is was keeps mothers alive. Although failure to establish patterns can be frustrating for people like me, it's the value of growing and learning that becomes the new routine.

A Thousand Different Faces

2007-05-05T15:22:00.000+04:00

Whenever people hear about a newborn, they instinctively ask... "Who does the baby look like?". I never really understood this, because babies really just look like babies. But it's funny, how an adult can look into the face of a 2 day old a declare that... "She's taken JUST after her father!"

I can never see resemblance between parents and children, so normally I steer clear of these conversations. The funny thing is that children will change a thousand different faces over the course of the first few months. So really, who can make that call at just a few days?

Iman, who was born a spitting image of Omair, now apparently looks a lot like me.

Ayzah, as everyone has told me, is a total copy of me. So much so, that when my mom holds her, she tells me that it feels like she's gone back in time and she's holding me again.

As the days pass, I try to look at both Iman and Ayzah to find resemblances of me and Omair, but I have come to realize now that both of them have their own faces, and no matter how many similarities others may point out, it's not just their face, but also their personality that really adds to who they are.

P.S... and yes, Ayzah, even at 2 weeks has her own personality, she's a feisty little devil!

Massage and Therapy

2007-05-03T20:39:00.000+04:00

I have a lady that comes in the morning to massage me and Ayzah. It's something cultural that we have done for the first month after delivery.

The "massage lady", as she is known in our home, is a wise old woman who has been doing just this for years. She's elderly, but wise. And during the time that she is massaging me, she talks to me. Asking me about what is going on at home, how I feel about raising a second child. What my problems are and how I am handling them.

She also offers words of wisdom. Wisdom about how to handle Iman during these changing times. How to work around the kids and continue to have a relationship with my husband, and how to steal those moments in life for myself.

I get a massage and therapist to talk to.

More value for money than I had thought.

Pregnancy Stories

2007-04-30T21:43:00.000+04:00

Although there were a number of things that happened during my pregnancy with Ayzah, there is one classic story that I think I will remember for the rest of my life.

We knew we were having a girl since December, and we had decided on her name as well. So in our house my "bump" was referred to as Ayzah.

One day when we were riding in a car and Iman was on my lap (I was around 7 months at the time) Ayzah gave a BIG kick, and Iman felt it. So she declares to the rest of us... "Mom, Ayzah just kicked me!"

In that moment, for the first time, I felt like a mother of two.

Going out... for 4

2007-04-28T21:05:00.000+04:00

Yesterday we attempted our first outdoor excursion. Since we had been home all week, Omair and I decided to go out for lunch with the girls.

In the short one and a half hours I had 3 feedings, 2 diaper changes, 3 trips to the bathroom (out of which one was useless because Iman insisted that she couldn't "go") and 1 fussy (almost) 3 year old who refused to eat anything.

Hmmmm...

Let the good times begin!

Our Little Angels...

2007-04-26T20:33:00.000+04:00

...and then there were four

2007-04-24T21:42:00.000+04:00

We would like to introduce you to the newest member of our family...

Ayzah Zuberi

Born April 20th, 2007

Traffic Trouble

2007-04-11T20:36:00.000+04:00

During her play time at home, Iman lined up all her toy cars in rows, making a little group cluster. Then she climbed on to her tricycle, rode up behind the cars and then sat there looking bored. After a couple of minutes of watching her just sit there patiently, my curiosity got the best of me and I asked her…

“Iman why are you just sitting there?”

And she replied…

“I’m stuck in a traffic jam.”

And this is "pretend play" for a child growing up in Dubai!

I Can, because I am the mom.

2007-04-07T15:05:00.000+04:00

This morning I woke up with an overwhelming desire to have chococate for breakfast. So I did. Not 1, not 2, BUT... 3 bars of chocolate.

I can do this because I am the mom. I don't have to anwer to anyone or justify my choice of nutrition.

Can Iman get away with this? NO WAY!

Don't you know.... breakfast is the most important meal of the day? You need to pack it in with fiber, calcium, grains, fruit...!! It provides you with essential energy.

But I can have whatever I want, because I grew up, got married, and earned the right eat whatever I please.

The Power of Love

2007-04-01T13:00:00.000+04:00

Some days I look at Iman and I have this overwhelming abundance of love for her. I think she is the most perfect child in the whole world, and no matter how hard my day might be because of her… nothing can compare to the happiness she gives me. Truly, children are the most amazing gift from God. They can change our world around with a glance. Their words and thoughts teach us the power of love. Iman is the best thing that ever happened in my life.

It’s days like this that I fear that I will never be able to love all my children equally.

And She's Back... In style!

2007-03-28T12:42:00.000+04:00

The sore throat is behind us and Iman is back to her usual self. As a comeback... she decided she was going to "sing" everything she wanted to say. So all day yesterday, she's been adding melody to everything, including her desire to watch TV, go to the bathroom or get something to eat.

It's so funny.

Don't know how long my appreciation will last for this new found style, but for now... I am a happy mommy to have my little chatter box back!

The Silence is Killing Me!!

2007-03-26T09:07:00.000+04:00

Normally Iman is a chatterbox. Infact, so much so, that I have to ask her to keep quiet. Her run on sentences and run on thoughts make me crave silence in our house. She can go on and on and on and on and on... you get the picture.

Two days ago she got a sore throat. Poor thing, it's so sore that she hasn't been able to talk. Most of the time she'll answer questions with an "um hmm" and a nod or an "um um" and a shake of the head. She's been so quiet, that even when I try to initiate conversation, most of her replies are hand gestures!

When I called my sister (mother of 4 -- two girls and two boys) she said, "Enjoy the silence while it lasts... because it won't last more than two days!"

As much as I wanted her to be quiet, I really miss having her non stop chatter in the house.

Alone Time

2007-03-22T10:00:00.000+04:00

Although this blog is only about Iman and my experiences while raising her... this post has entirely to do with me. But somewhere, there is a parental connection, because like me, all mommies must go through this too!

Yesterday in between classes, I had about 15 minutes where I had nothing to do. All my corrections were done, all papers marked. I didn't want to take a trip down to the staff room, and there was no one in my classroom. Instinctively I called Omair, because I'm not used to not doing anything. He didn't answer... so there I sat.

I had nothing to do AND I was alone. Normal people usually take this time to think about things, but really, I sat there thinking... I have no thoughts! Jokes apart, all moms are always working double time. We're doing something, thinking about something else while planning the next task ALL at the same time. So really, my mind is so cluttered with nonsense that its forgotten to think.

I looked out the window. Nicely manicured soccer field. Boys kicking the ball around. I tried to listen to the sounds, kids were on break so there was that "playground" noise. I had an orange in my bag, so I took that out. And perhaps after the longest time, I ate an orange so peacefully.

And while I ate my perfect orange, I decided that I would find some thoughts of my own. Thoughts that had nothing to do with Iman, Omair or school. Nothing to do with anything. My own personal thoughts. After all, I am a whole person on my own, I should be capable of thinking. So I started with current events. What were my thoughts on today's headlines? Uh oh. I really didn't know today's headlines. Not that I am shelled up in my own little hole, but really, I only catch the news once a week. Really.

Moving right along... what were my thoughts on the current cricket world cup happenings... ok, too painful, can't think about that EVER. Forcefully pushed that out of my mind.

Let's keep going... What movie did I want to see? Damn, I have no idea what's playing or what will be playing. I don't go to the movies.

And by this time my orange was just about finished, and so was my capacity for finding my "own" thoughts. So I came to a conclusion: This is who I am. Mom, Wife, Teacher and Friend. And for what it's worth, my thoughts can only consist of my existence. Trying to look for thoughts to think wouldn't be possible. So I decided to embrace my life for what it was and finished off the last couple of minutes thinking about what to make for dinner :)

And it happens to all of us…

2007-03-17T15:48:00.000+04:00

I think we made a good record, Iman is 2 years and 9 months and this is he first time it happened to us.

What is this mystery episode?

The thing all parents dread… when their child breaks something at someone’s house. No matter how closely we watch them, no matter how many times we carry them away from potential “breakables” and no matter how many times we tell them not to touch something, it has to happen one day or the other. And for us, it happened yesterday.

I knew Iman would eventually break something at someone’s house. I just didn’t know where it would be, and what she would break. Nonetheless, in my head, I was prepared with a plan of action…

I would ask Iman acknowledge what she did, then hopefully she would feel remorse. Then I would want her to apologize to the person the item belonged to, and finally I would politely ask to replace the item, whatever it may be. I had even thought as much that if the person declined a replacement, in due time I would “casually” gift them something in return.

And like all good plans… mine wasn’t going to work either.

I was at a good friend’s house and Iman broke a clay plate that her son had made when he was 5. He had shaped it and then painted it all on his own… and my little darling dropped it. Now safe to say, these kinds of things are not replaceable. So even though I had Iman apologize, there was nothing I could do to restore it. This friend of mine is very close to me, and I could tell that there was a hint of sadness when she told me it was ok. Of course it’s not ok. If it was any other plate/glass/frame/ANYTHING, I wouldn’t have felt so bad. But artwork made by her son…

Oh great. When it happened to us, it happened bad.

The Dancing Duo

2007-03-11T09:05:00.000+04:00

Last night Iman wore her "whirly twirly" dress. Put on some play back music on her piano and danced for half an hour. And who did she choose to invite to this cool dance party...? Her daddy of course! The two of them danced together for the first time. Not the kind of heartwarming first "dad and daughter" dance, but the crazy, "hands up in the air/wiggle and shake" kind of dance.

The best part was... Iman was teaching Omair what steps to do, and how to move his arms and body. It was too funny to watch.

I got to observe from the side line, since I wasn't invited to this party... but I enjoyed it all the same. I don't think I've ever smiled so much watching two people dance.

Pushing the Limits on Patience...

2007-03-06T10:03:00.000+04:00

On my way over to work this morning, Iman decided that she was really going to test my limits...

First, the background info...My drive to work is about half an hour on the freeway. There are no signals or stops, the cars are really fast all around (Dubai traffic :) and most of the drivers are maniacs. So each day is its own battle for survival.

And now... here's the story.

Iman is all strapped into her car seat in the back and decides that she "really needs a hug". So I patiently tell her that I am driving right now, and I will give her a hug when we get to school. A minute later...

Iman: "Can I have my hug now?"...
Me: (patiently...) "We're not at school, I'll give you a hug as soon as I get there."
Iman: "Now?"
Me: (still quite patiently...) "Not now, honey we're still driving, I can't hug you when I am driving, you're going to have to wait until we get to school."
Iman: "mommy?"
Me: "Yes?"
Iman: "I'm really sad... I want a hug."
Me: (gritting my teeth...) "Iman, look at mama, I'm driving right now, I can't give you a hug. Can you wait a little while until we get to school?"
Iman: "ok"

This continues on again off again for another 15 minutes...

Finally I blow my top and answer in a much angrier tone...

Me: "How many times do you want me to tell you that I can't give you a hug right now? I really want to hug you, but I'm driving... you need to wait until I get to school! Ok? No more hugs, don't ask me for a hug... I'm driving. There are NO HUGS when I'm driving. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

Iman: (now with her puppy dog eyes...) ok. Then can I have a kiss?

The Stinky Truth

2007-03-04T09:00:00.000+04:00

Omair came home really late from a "boy's night out" -- reeking of cigarette smoke. He crawled into bed beside me and Iman.

Somewhere in the middle of the night, Iman half wakes up and tries to literally kick Omair out of bed with her feet. She says to him...

"Baba you stink, you need to take a shower!"

Cultural Truths

2007-02-27T10:12:00.000+04:00

I came across a newspaper article today that really broke my heart. The rest of this post is going to be a reflection on the cultural truths of Dubai (heavily influenced by my opinion).

Those of you unfamiliar of the Middle East, I'll give you some background information. When a woman is going to have a baby in Dubai, she has to provide concrete evidence that she is married. If she can't provide the hospital with proper documentation, then the baby's custody will be given to the hospital and the woman will be sent to jail. This is standard procedure for all, in fact we had to do the same when Iman was born.

Cruel or harsh as it may seem, it's Dubai's way of preventing unmarried women from getting pregnant (a contraceptive method if you may...)

My heartbreaking story is about a poor Indian house maid who worked at several houses. She "accidentally" became pregnant, and when she couldn’t provide the hospital with a marriage certificate, they took her child and shipped her to jail. Lucky for her, their was an organization, which does social work, who bailed her out of the mess, reunited her with her child and sent her back to her home country.

I can't imagine what the woman must have been through. Having to leave her first born after birth and spend many nights in a jail cell, her future so uncertain. In this part of the world, if you aren't part of the financially secure elite, there is very little that you can do if you have a run in with the law. Fortunately for her, there was escape, but there are so many others... hired maids who are victim to household prostitution and abused by several men. We can choose to ignore this violent reality, but the truth is that maids in Dubai lead very insecure lives. Most of them work for less than minumum wage (actually there is no minimum wage here) and most of them will be victim to regular sexual abuse, not by one, but many men. And when innocent women get impregnated, and choose to give life to their child, they will sentence themselves to imprisonment.

To read the article, please click here.
And also... read this... "My Torture Hell"

Broken Nose

2007-02-24T18:43:00.000+04:00

Nope, it's not as tragic as the title reads.

Iman woke up this morning with a blocked nose, and she declared to me and Omair...

"My nose is broken, it's not working any more."

Baby Bananas

2007-02-18T21:59:00.000+04:00

Many mothers out there have faced this problem...

Our kids like to eat bananas, but the damn things are SO big, that the kid can't finish it, and you don't want to eat the leftovers.

Recently I saw the cutest thing at the supermarket... itsy bitsy tiny bananas!! A perfect snack for a midday break. Big enough to satisfy those small appetites, and just too adorable in those little hands.

It's a must share picture...

Our daughter... the fashion critic

2007-02-15T10:13:00.000+04:00

Recently Iman has become aware of dress sense. She's picking out her own outfits and matching her own accessories (often more colorful than I like!). But her opinion of dressing isn't only restricted to herself, she's moved on to us!

A few weeks ago she said... "My Baba is cute and stylish"

I was shocked! Those were pretty thought out words, so I tried to pry into her mind to get HER definition of cute and stylish.

She replies... "He wears nice clothes and he's clean".

Hmm... so she MUST have an opinion on me too.

I say: "What about Mama, am I cute and stylish?"

She says: "You're beautiful, but not stylish, you only wear pajamas."

:(

And then there were two!

2007-02-11T09:06:00.000+04:00

Sorry for the delay. I took this picture a long time ago, but things were so hectic at home that only got the chance to post it up now.

We're really enjoying the wait for the baby birds to hatch. Iman's excitement has been infectious and Omair and I can't help but get caught up in the whirlwind of it all. As a token of our appreciation and support towards Mr. and Mrs. Bird we've set out a bowl of food and water for them and their growing family (Iman's idea). Now we're just waiting for the big day!

Our New Addition...

2007-02-05T10:04:00.000+04:00

The most exciting thing happened in our house yesterday.

But let me give you some background...
Over the past week I had noticed that a bird had started "nesting" in the flower pot outside our window. At first I tried to shoo it away, but this was a tough bugger. She made it a point to hold her ground.

A couple of days later, I had a feeling that she had picked this spot because it was snug and secure, and in all likelihood, she was going to have her babies on our window sill, and sure enough... yesterday Iman came screaming to me...

"There's an egg in the flowers!!" I followed her to the window, and there it lay, snuggled between the leaves and flowers, a small little egg, carefully being watched by its mommy. I was equally excited, as we both looked at the tiny (but adorable) addition to our window garden.

In this whole ordeal, Iman's main concern has been that the bird (who spends most of her time sitting on the egg) might break it. She has been pleading with me to bring it in where we can keep it safe. I enjoy explaining the intricacies of life to Iman. She listens with so much attention, as though she is literally absorbing the information into her mind.

Mama bird has also given me the opportunity to explain my motherly love to Iman. Telling her how much a mommy cares for her young and looks after them and saves them from all the dangers that surround them.

The egg and its mother have reassured my little one that her parents love her more than the stars in the sky. And in this realization, I have seen an unspoken happiness in her eyes. A feeling of safety and security that allows her to test the waters and have her own small adventures, all the while knowing that her parents have their wings around her, protecting her from harms way.

Reaching out to touch others

2007-01-29T17:18:00.001+04:00

I can't imagine anything more painful than seeing your child suffer. No parent should have to go through it, and those that do, my prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.

I have a friend back from school who had sent me an e-mail a while back. At the time I hadn't even read it properly, and dismissed it as another "forwarded" mail appealing for money. I just got another message from her and realized that it wasn't a forward. It was legitimate, and so was the person concerned.

I want my readers to visit this young boy's website and read about his battle with cancer. If you can help him, it's your cause, but if you can't donate anything, I encourage you to pray for him. Like our own kids, this child also deserves to be loved and cared for.

There is a lot of suffering in this world. I know we can't reach out and help every child in need, but we can take a moment and say a prayer for those who we know are in pain.

To Asma, Aariz and his entire family. Your story has touched my heart. I pray that Allah gives you strength for your battles, and health to your little one.

Readers, please visit... www.helpaariz.com and do the best that you can do.

Gender Differentiation

2007-01-24T11:24:00.000+04:00

I knew that this conversation would come. And knowing Iman’s accelerated intelligence, I should have known it would come any time now.

While fine tuning her speaking skills, I have often pointed out differences between gender. For example…

Iman would say: Salem is a good girl (Salem is a boy at daycare)
And I would point out that he’s not a girl, he’s a boy.

Iman’s little mind goes tick tick tick…

Then she would say: My dolly is sad. He’s not happy
And I would say, dolly is a girl, so you say SHE’s not happy.

Iman’s little mind goes tick tick tick…

So I should have known that it was coming, when she asked me…

Why are boys boys and why are girls girls?

Hmmmmmmmmmm...

I wasn’t really ready to answer that in a language of a 2 year old. So I needed time to think about how to explain gender differences. While I was trying to simplify it in my mind, Iman conveniently offered an answer to her own question…

Because girls wear earrings and boys don’t, right?

2007-01-24T11:23:00.000+04:00

I’m taking a break from the “word of wisdom”. It’s getting boring, plus I have more interesting stories to post… so my parenting advice is going in the back seat for a while.

Two on the team

2007-01-17T09:03:00.000+04:00

When we trade in our “couple” life and become parents, there is a lot of learning that we have to do. In fact, it’s like being in a new relationship and getting to know the person all over again.

At times this can be really frustrating, but for the most, it’s great to see your partner evolve into a nurturing and caring person. Look at a strong independent man, then hand him a baby to cradle… it’s a whole new picture!

Same as any new relationship, you need to give the other person time to breathe and find their own way around. When Iman was born, I had a set idea in my mind about parenthood, and in the beginning I tried to mould Omair into a frame of fatherhood that I thought was correct. Over time I realized that I was being unfair to everyone. I was robbing Omair of a great experience, I was robbing Iman of a natural father and I was robbing myself of the opportunity to see my spouse become a “dad”.

When I loosened up a little, I learned that Omair is a great father. He has his own techniques and ways of handling Iman. In fact, during times of great stress (read: public temper tantrums) Omair is much better at calming Iman down.

However, as Iman turned into a toddler, she started to realize that mom and dad are two separate people, who at times will handle situations differently, and she started to use that to her advantage. We had a “cookie incident” a few months ago, where Iman asked me for a cookie and when I turned her down, she asked her dad, who eagerly agreed and let her have it (RIGHT BEFORE DINNER!!). It was then that I realized that the “little one” was not so “little” any more. She had learned the concept of divide and rule, and that was the same time that Omair and I sat down and laid out our own “parenting plan”.

Part of raising a child is to ensure that there are no mixed messages. If dad says one thing and mom says another, the child doesn’t know which one is right. So you and your partner need to talk through your decision making process and make sure that you stand a united front. In a situation where you disagree with your spouse, DON’T make a scene in front of the child. Let the situation continue, but remember to talk it out later (when the child is not around).

Here are some things that you should NOT do in front of your children…
#1. Don’t put each other down or insult each other.
#2. Don’t fight.
#3. Don’t disagree (sometimes you might have to bite your lip and wait for a better moment to talk it out).

Here are some things that you SHOULD do…
#1. Hug your spouse or show some sign of (acceptable) physical affection (your children learn from you).
#2. Point out at least one nice thing about your spouse (Example: Look Iman, baba is wearing such a nice tie today.)
#3. Share some family time EVERY day (which involves ALL members of the family).

Children look towards their parents for security, but they can’t find it unless they know that their parents are on the same team. In order to raise great kids and have a great family, you need to set a good example as parents.

Schedules Secure Their Lives

2007-01-14T08:44:00.000+04:00

(Most) adults like to know what’s laid out for their day. Schedules provide a certain “security” for us. Kids are the same. If they know what’s coming, they’re easier to handle.

On a normal day in your routine life, you need to establish a set pattern. Getting all the basics in and leaving room for free play. If your child is raised with a consistent schedule, you’ll notice the difference in behavior almost instantly (*NOTE: schedule must be established and followed for some time before you get visible results.)

Whether you have a new born, a toddler or a preschooler, it’s never too early to start them on a routine. All you need to do is lay out the timings for what you must do each day (feed them, bathe them, play with them) and then add in the accessories that are a part of your natural lifestyle. Set out your day and organize your time so that you aren’t playing the role of a parent all day long. Everyone needs time off, so whether you pick up a magazine during their nap, or have a coffee with a friend during tumbling class, you need to establish patterns to make your life easier as well as theirs.

Now don’t get too stressed out if you can’t stick to your timing to the minute. It’s your life and it’s your day, so leave room for flexibility. Just chalk out something so you and your little one know what’s ahead.

Children who are raised with schedules grow up to be more organized and have more self control. These daily routines as children help them establish healthy living habits as adults.

That’s all for today! Coming up next…

Parenting may be a two person job, but the two people need to be on the same team.

Laying down the law

2007-01-11T13:33:00.000+04:00

"If we don't know our boundaries, we don't know when to stop"

It's really hard to decide when to start disciplining your child. There are several categories of parents.

#1 The "too" early birds: These are the kind that will rap their child's knuckles when the baby is only a few months old. They start thinking that by starting early, they are setting good boundaries for their little one.

#2 Late bloomer: Those parents who provided excuses for their child, and insist that he or she is too young to understand.

#3 Just right.

Start discipline with your child when YOU feel she understands cause and effect and understands the meaning of consequences. Now I'm not talking about the philosophical consequences... just the simple things. For example... if I turn my cup over, the juice will spill out.

This is a fine line, because a lot of the time people confuse this with curiosity. If your infant is only 8 months old and emptying her food onto the floor and playing with it, this isn't a sign of defiance. The little one is just learning.

So back to the book of law.

When you see the signs that your child is ready to understand discipline. Make sure she is rightly guided with the rules you want to set for your house. Little children have little memories, so you might want to remind them about the rules again and again and again and again and again. Don't lose patience when you remind them. They are only learning.

Keep the rules realistic and simple. You don't want to confine your child, remember, you just want to set boundaries.

- You might want to define "off limit" areas (bathroom, t.v. fine china cupboard, etc.)
- Teach them the "right" voice to communicate (no screaming or shouting)

That's a good 2 to start with. Work on this now, I'll be back with more in a couple of days.

Caution: Parenting Advice Ahead!

2007-01-08T08:55:00.000+04:00

For those of you out there who don't like to take advice, I'll recommend that you steer clear of my blog for a week or so.

Over the past Eid holidays we met the parents of 2 boys. Although they were far more experienced than us, both Omair and I saw some alarmingly disturbing signs of poor parenting.

I know that in the past I have always said that there is "no such thing as bad parenting", that's because I sincerely believe that when we become moms and dads we do the best job we can. But truth be told, this is the hardest job in the world, and we never receive any training for it.

Most couples out there will struggle for months (and some for years, while others for life), not because they don't want to do a good job of raising there young, but because they really don't know how.

Since Omair and I are parents who raise our child on our own (no other family influence or advice) we always turn to two of our favorite and trusted sources for support and guidance -- Super Nanny, Jo Frost and babycenter.com. Over the next few days I am going to publish the tools that we use while we raise Iman. If you are a parent out there, maybe you too can make use of what we have learned.

*Warning: The next few posts are only meant to help share the ideas that have worked for us, there is no guarantee that they will work for your family set-up. Also, I am not the kind of person who criticizes others, I am just sharing ideas that we use.

Blog Vacation

2007-01-07T10:31:00.000+04:00

Since my life has been crazy busy over the past month, I needed to "cut out" some things from my daily routine to free up time to do other things.
Somewhere on this list was the blog.

Reasons for my hiding...
We've had house guests for over a month. There were exams at school, which meant that everything had to be completed, checked and handed in. It was Eid time again, which meant extensive cooking, cleaning, and entertaining guests, not to mention a list of lunch, dinner and general party invitations. Then there was New Years -- by the way, Happy New Year to all!

So as the list of "must do's" accumulated, I decided that it was absolutely necessary to take out anything and everything that would free up some extra time in my day.

Sorry to chop out your daily read :)

BUT... we're back, and I have a lot to share, so hopefully in the next couple of days you can expect regular updates.

What is it about Barney?

2006-12-17T07:36:00.000+04:00

On a lazy Saturday afternoon, when normal people should be sitting in front of the TV (or reading a good book, what ever suits you)... Omair and I were battling a crowd of parents to get tickets for the Barney Musical Bonanza.

Since Iman is a big Barney fan, we couldn't let this "once in a lifetime" opportunity pass by. So there we were, in line for the show. There were so many parents and kids. I really didn't think that Barney had such a hold on our little UAE market as well. But as it turns out, not only did people know the purple dinosaur, they were willing to push and shove for him too!

Luckily we managed to get tickets, we made it inside, AND we managed to see the show! All the horrible lines and waiting aside, it was so cool to see Iman's face when she saw Barney.

What is it about him that has them so mesmerized?

Standing in line at McDonalds...

2006-12-11T09:43:00.000+04:00

We were standing in line at McDonalds and I asked Iman...

“You want ice cream sundae?”
and she replied…

“I don’t want ice cream Sunday, I want it today.”

:)

A sad realization...

2006-11-29T09:47:00.000+04:00

During our morning rituals of getting ready for school, Iman comes up to us with her stuffed toy spider and declares "my spider is sad"

Being overly concerned parents, Omair and I dropped what we were doing and asked her, "why is your spider sad?"

And she tells us... "he's sad because his mama and baba are going to the office and he will be alone."

*sniff sniff*

Now I'm sad.

Selling the packaging, not the goods.

2006-11-26T09:41:00.000+04:00

Although life ventured me into teaching, I was a business student in marketing. And through my 4 years of college, I had learned that there is a fractional difference between household products. For example, the milk that you buy at the store, no matter what box it comes in, is still milk. bleach... generic or not, has the same chemical compounds. And even though customers want to buy the more familiar household names, there isn't that much difference between the products.

But you see... that was yester-year. Before I was a mom, and before labels mattered so much.

During my last visit to the grocery store, I had to choose between 2 cheeses. Both packets, absolutely identical. Both products offering the same number of slices. Both products virtually interchangeable. BUT... there was one HUGE difference.

On the front of one package was a cartoon of a glass of milk with bulging arm muscles and a big white smile. The tag line below said... "Each slice contains the goodness of one whole glass of milk, for stronger muscles and bones". The front of the other package said... "100% processed cheese slices".

Decision made... my daughter doesn't need "processed" cheese... she needs the goodness of one whole glass of milk.

Another customer buys the packaging, not the product.

Trying not to lose hope

2006-11-21T11:21:00.000+04:00

There can’t be any greater loss in the world than losing your own child.

Earlier this year in March I had a miscarriage. This was a baby that both my husband and I really wanted. What made it even more painful, was the fact that we already had Iman, so we knew what parenthood and children were all about. I was about 11 weeks pregnant, and it took tremendous strength to overcome my own personal grief. My friends and family were extremely supportive, and thanks to all of them, it became easier to understand and accept the loss.

Since then, I have had a deeper sense of understanding the value of our offspring, and since then, I have learned stories of couples who have suffered a pain far worse than ours.

A girl I know was 5 months pregnant with her second baby. She went for a normal ultrasound and discovered the baby had no heartbeat. She was devastated, because she could feel the baby move around inside her. When they removed the fetus, it was in actual form.

My cousin had to be induced in order to give birth to her first son, who had passed away in the womb due to unknown causes.

My parent’s neighbor was pregnant with twins, and one died at 8 months, so they did an emergency c-section to save the other one. They had a beautiful baby girl, who was with them for one week, and then she too passed away due to unknown causes.

There are countless stories of parents who have children that fall ill in their first few years, and then pass away.

The administrator at my school just lost her 18 year old son due to a hit and run accident. 18 years of raising him, 18 years of endless love and memories, 18 years of uncountable moments of pride. 18 years, that ended without her even being able to tell him that she loved him.

The world is full of grief like this. Parents who have to come to terms with losing their own children, without being able to understand why it all happened.

I spoke to my mom after my miscarriage and she told me that yes, there is nothing more painful than losing your own child. But more so, it’s important for us to understand that we don’t give life to our children, we can only give them love.

It's in the air

2006-11-15T07:37:00.000+04:00

Mommy's and daddy's out there... it's that time of year again. The weather is shifting to cold, and the kids are coming down with everything imaginable!

Sniffles, loss of appetite, vicious coughs, fever and consequently… VERY grouchy children. Iman had been doing really well this year, in fact, we got through a really long stretch without illness (thank God). But no one can escape this weather.

You should go back and read my post last year about how people with children see this weather change in comparison to people without.

And now… we’re also victim to the weather woes. Iman has had a horrible cough lately, and we’ve been trying this excellent honey remedy. Usually it works like a charm on her, and she’s better in a couple of days. But this new cough has stuck around for the past 5 days, and there’s no sign of letting up. Today is our turn at the doctor’s office. But no matter how many self diagnosis you do at home, it’s always scary to walk into that office.

I’m particularly bumming today because when I dropped Iman off at day care she had those big puppy eyes again. She kept saying she wanted to stay with mommy. Then when she knew she wasn’t going to win this battle, she asked “One more huggy?” I gave her the hug, but she wouldn’t let go, and then I asked her “what are you doing?” she replied… “I’m feeling better.”

The price we pay...

2006-11-12T09:36:00.000+04:00

A couple of months ago Omair got the chance to switch jobs. Great opportunity... higher postion... more money... The only catch was that he would have longer hours.

We had thought about it for a long time and then finally decided that he needed to step out of the old "rut" job and really focus on advancing his career. He's really happy at this new place. The atmospere is great. He's boss to several people. The company really looks out for their own. Besides the new added responsibility, he's doing well (thank God).

But there's a price. Maybe a really steep price. Something that we didn't factor into the budget...

Because of Iman's early bed time and Omair's late work time, they hardly see each other in the week. Some days Omair comes home AFTER she's gone to bed, and they don't see each other at all.

Since we're a family that's really used to spending time together every day, this is really strange for Iman. She really misses Omair, and asks about him all the time.

She saves parts of her snack, telling me that she'll "... eat it with Baba".
She'll ask me to take her to the office, or "why isn't Baba coming home?"
If the doorbell rings... she'll jump and squeel that "Baba's home!"

I particularly hate the days when he's not going to see her at all... and while I'm doing her bedtime routine, she's so unsettled. Falling asleep is hard too, because she's too restless without him. I even get the feeling that she's developing insecurities.

In the morning of course, Omair is always home. We leave for school before he does, so she knows he'll be around. Today she woke up and Omair was in the kitchen, and the first words out of her mouth were... "where's my Baba? I want to see him".

Omair and Iman still have a great relationship. She is OVER delighted when he walks in the door. They have their hugs and kisses, and then she has so much to tell him and show him that she doesn't know where to start. It's so cute, watching her run around the house trying to say and do everything at the same time. They're still really goofy together... she laughs and giggles with him in a way she never does with me.

What they have is really special, and I am really happy to see that. BUT...

She also pushes him away. After the initial excitement of having him home, she doesn't want him to do anything for her. She won't let him feed her, take her to the bathroom, bathe her, or in general do things for her.

At times she's even said.. "I only love Mama, not Baba" or "I don't want my Baba" Even though I know that his lack of presence is something she'll get used to (because Omair definately makes up for it when they are together), it still upsets me to hear things like that.

Magical Cures for the Innocent Heart

2006-11-06T08:52:00.000+04:00

In the more recent days, Iman has become increasingly vocal. So now we are treated to detailed stories and accounts of EVERYTHING that happens during the day. Another added advantage of this new “descriptive” attitude is her willingness to share her personal feelings.

I find it really amusing when she says things like…
“I’m sad”
“I want to cry”
“I’m very very angry”
“I don’t like that”
“I’m excited”
“I’m sooooo happy”

It’s funny to hear such a small thing have so many big feelings. But it’s even more amusing to hear that she has a cure for all her ailments. Whenever she’s sad, it’s easy to fix it with a “magic hug”. When she’s angry… Mama can “magically” make the anger go away (I hold her by her shoulders, give her a little shake, and end it with a tickle).

Now the best one is… when she’s actually hurting.

“Mama, my tummy’s hurting”
“Mama, my leg is hurting”
“Mama, I cut my finger”

And magically… the cure for all of them is the same. A sprinkle of plain water. For some reason, she’s decided, that by putting water on something that hurts, will automatically fix it! Fortunate for me… in her case it always seems to work.

Simple cures… made for little hearts :)

When they know more than we know…

2006-10-29T20:30:00.000+04:00

When Iman and I were walking into school today, we saw a few pigeons pecking food off the ground, so I enthusiastically pointed out…

“Look Iman, look at the birdies eating!”

She looked over at them and then said to me…

“Mama, those are pigeons.”

Back to School

2006-10-28T20:31:00.000+04:00

We're back to work tomorrow.

Sniff sniff. Vacation went by too quickly (as they usually do). I have to work for 2 straight months for another proper vacation.

Every time I say this in front of Omair, he says... "Do you hear yourself? I have to wait 12 months before I can take any time off"

Muaaaahhhaaaaaaa

That's why I don't do any other job.

But still... let's stay focussed, I go back to work tomorrow...

sniff sniff

Holiday Fun

2006-10-26T14:08:00.000+04:00

Eid is over. The majority of the chaos has died down. Luckily we've got extended holidays at school, which means that there are a few more days off before I go to work. I'm LOVING the time off. I've watched a movie I've had on hand for ages (haven't been able to get to it). Iman and I have been creating all kinds of fun stuff with her "Play Doh" kit that we got her for Eid. It's been relaxing and fun.

We've got a fancy Eid dinner tonight, and then a kiddie birthday on Friday. But that's all part of relaxing fun... meeting friends and eating good food :)

I'm going to miss all this when school starts again next week.

'Tis the Season to be Jolly...

2006-10-22T14:11:00.000+04:00

It's the end of Ramadan and Eid is right around the corner. The streets are full of hustle and bustle. People are shopping, shops are sparkling with glitterly lights and colors. There are HUGE lines at the wrapping counter. The air if FULL of the festive season.

We've already got most of the presents wrapped. I've got goodies on the stove since morning (makes the house smell YUM!!). Iman is so excited, she's been bouncing off the walls! I put mehndi on her hands, so she's walking around with her hands open wide, making sure we don't get near them. It's her first mehndi experience, last year we thought she was too young for it.

Eid is in the air. There are plans being made to visit people. Invitations being sent out ...

*long deep sigh*

It's my favorite time of year.

Eid Mubarak Everyone!

Stickler for discipline

2006-10-10T21:08:00.001+04:00

I was at a friend's house today and she told me that she felt that I was a "very strict" mom. Now I know this takes a lot of courage, because you never want to tell your friend's off for what they are doing, so I'm going to give her credit for taking a stand for her beliefs... BUT

and this is a BIG BUT...

She doesn't have kids, and although everyone's opinion matters, we should only do the parenting we feel is right for us.

Sometimes I feel like I am too harsh with Iman, but then I remind myself that what I'm doing is for her best. If I lay down certain ground rules in her life, it will only benefit her (and me) in the future. Yeah sure, I believe in having fun, getting messy and giggling. I'm not the kind of mom that she can't laugh or be silly with, but there are certain boundaries that we need to set for our kids. It's the only way to ensure a secure future.

So even though I applaud my friend's courage to confront me, I still have to say the same thing... I believe in what I am doing, and it may not seem right to the next person, but it works for me and my little one. And as long as I am satisfied with the way that I am raising my child, I think I am doing a great job.

Switching roles

2006-10-07T11:40:00.000+04:00

When I went to pick up Iman from daycare, I was greeted by the KG section principal who asked to "see me" in her office. I thought it was something routine so I told her I would get Iman and then drop in.

When I went to the Nursery, Iman's nanny said she needed to talk to me. Now I started to panic... Luckily Iman was right in vision, so I knew she wasn't in immediate danger or hurt. The nanny calmly informed me that there was an "incident" with Iman. She had scratched 4 kids at school that day. Then she strategically showed me the scratches on all four kids before I could even speak in Iman's defense.

oops

Those of you that are religious readers of the blog should know that Iman is a team player. She doesn't hit, or fight or even remotely express any kind of aggression, so this was WAY out of my league. Usually she's on the receiving end of scratches and bruises, and I can handle that.

But this was just down right out of character. As it turned out, the kids were all painting, and Iman wanted to show them how, and when they didn't listen, she went on a wild rampage of injuring anyone who refused to listen.

So I took it all in, apologized, and headed over to the principal's office, knowing that I was about to hear the same thing again. Sure enough, she repeated the story.

Then she asked me to "speak to" Iman at home. She told me that we need to explain boundaries to her and encourage her to play with others without physically hurting them. I totally understood what she wanted me to do, but I didn't understand how I could ask a 2 year old to remember what she did at school that day and then ask her never to do it again.

So I nicely told the principal that I would "speak" to Iman, but the next time they had an "incident" they should just take Iman out of the situation and as her to sit away from the other in a "time out". Kids her age learn best when they are disciplined right away (not a few hours later). In response, the principal insisted that I have the conversation anyways.

So later that afternoon in our house...

Me: Iman what did you do at school today?
Iman: Jumping and coloring and painting
Me: Oh, that sounds like a lot of fun, did you have fun?
Iman: Yes!
Me: What else happened?
Iman: Fun happened
Me: Iman, did you play with Salma and Mohammad today?
Iman: Yes, we do painting and jumping
Me: Oh that's nice, Iman were you a good girl? Did you share?
Iman: Iman good girl.
Me: Iman, Mary Lou (the nanny) told me that you hit Salma and Mohammad, what happened?
Iman: Yes, I hit Salma
Me: Why? Why did you hit your friend?
Iman: I hit my friend
Me: Listen sweetie, we don't hit people. Would you like it if mama hits you?
Iman: No
Me: When you hit someone, they get sad. Do you want Salma to be sad?
Iman: No
Me: So will you hit Salma?
Iman: Yes

See, I told you. You can't discipline a 2 year old after the fact, they don't get it.

What is "finished"?

2006-10-03T19:12:00.000+04:00

The magical power of vocabulary. Children pick up new words and their meanings instantly. Good words, bad words, all kinds of interesting words.

But there are some words which they learn to say... but refuse to learn what they mean.

In our house, Iman refuses to learn the meaning of "finished".

No matter how I try to explain, she just doesn't understand why things end. For example, a show on TV that she's really into. When it's over... I tell her it's finished, but instead, she says "not finished, I want more". When we can't bring it back for her, she throws a tantrum in response.

When I drive through a tunnel, she gets really excited, but when the tunnel is "finished"... same response.

When she's at the playground... when she's in the bath... when she's at a friend's house, when she's doing just about anything...

Although the tantrums pass, the concept of "finished" just doesn't register. I know she's at the age where "letting go" is really hard, but it's so difficult to move on with our lives when we have a two year old who wants to hold on to everything.

Missing from the Blog

2006-09-30T13:08:00.000+04:00

I've been gone for over two weeks. There's been plenty to write, but no time to write it in.

School is overwhelming. Iman is over doing it, and it's Ramadan.

My plate is not just full, it's overflowing.

Hopefully I'll be back soon with another one of her fun stories to share. But for now, this is all there is (for those of you that had noticed my absence).

The fascination with getting hurt

2006-09-13T21:47:00.000+04:00

Last time I was at a pharmacy, I picked up a box of those kiddy band aids. The really cute kind that are small enough to fit on those tiny fingers AND they have adorable cartoons printed on them.

Being a mom to a 2 year old has taught me that band aids are now an essential for the house. Iman’s curiosity and active learning mind usually starts with exploring with her hands. And in this exploration, her fingers are the first to get injured.

So the last time Iman cut her finger, I was over enthusiastic about pulling out the new box of really cool band aids. I put one on her finger, and realized that her fascination superceded mine by far! This particular cartoon on her finger was a cat. First she used it as a puppet and put on a show for me. Then she kept tickling me with her injured finger exclaiming the “cattie coming to eat mama!”. Finally when Omair came home, she pointed her finger at him and said “look baba, cattie in the house!”. Omair innocently looked around for a cat, and Iman burst out laughing, and screaming “here, here” as she waved her finger around.

The great cat was a treat to have in the house. Iman was overjoyed with its presence. And even after it was time to take that band aid off, Iman insisted that she wanted to save her “cattie” from the trash can, and she carefully put it away in her toy box.

The actual fun began after the cat. When Iman realized that there is a box full of new and exciting band aids, she became the drama queen that she usually is…

She would walk around the house and purposely bump her finger against the sofa and run to me quickly saying “mama Iman got haieeee” (haieeee in her language translates to a boo boo, or whatever you may call it). I closely inspected it and told her that it wasn't band aid worthy, and in her defense she said “this one big haieeee, mama do magic foo” (magic “foo” is when I blow on the hurt part of her body and I end it with a long whistle sound) then she said, “still haieee, Iman need magic band aid”

Comfort Zones

2006-09-09T15:23:00.000+04:00

We've all had friends who were our "other halves".

Kiran is like that for me.

We met at a mutual friend's party, and it was another 2 days later that we realized that we were meant for each other. She's just a quirky as I can be. She's a great listener. She's an even better talker! She loves to stand by her word (even when she realizes that she's wrong!). She's a perfect blend of eastern and western culture. And my favorite... she's just as neurotic about cleaning as I am :)

Our husbands get along really well. Our kids are the same age. We can meet at breakfast and spend the whole day together, and at 1 in the morning, we still want to stay another hour.

Zain, her husband, is totally cool with Iman. Since they have a son, Hassan, who is also 2, he has no hang-ups about our little one. He’ll sit and feed her. He’ll take her out for a walk, he’ll even sit and indulge her while she eagerly involves him in a tea party.

For Kiran, Iman is like her own daughter. She’ll cook for her, take her to the bathroom, play with her, and love her incredibly.

I’ve never had to think twice before asking them for something. And when they moved away last year, I didn’t know how we would live.

A year later her husband has gotten another job and they’ve moved back. Kiran got here this weekend, and she insisted that we come along for all the major household shopping and help set up the place. Her explanation…

“It’s going to be your house too, so you should have a fair say in what you want and where you want it”.

I’m so glad they’re back. I don't know how I got through last year without her.

There are three things going on in my mind right now

2006-09-05T20:18:00.000+04:00

First thing… we’re back to work. Which in many ways should have been a good thing. It was supposed to give me a life outside of the house (which I really enjoy). AND… it was supposed to give Iman a chance to release her energy in a playful, fun and safe environment.

Unfortunately none of that happened.

School started, but daycare won’t be available until the 11th. Which means that Iman is with me all day. So here I am, with a load of work to do, lots of staff meetings to attend. Classroom to set up, worksheets to prepare… and Iman tagging along through it all.

My entire day goes by running after her, running to the bathroom or trying to feed her. I’m really far behind in my work, which is making me stress out.

Second thing… I’ve cursed myself. Yesterday after Iman was asleep, I was telling Omair that we’re really lucky to have such a cooperative kid. She took really well to the second round of potty training. In fact now, we were totally accident free and she was telling every time! And, even bigger… we shifted her to her own bed (yes, previously she was sleeping with us, I know… tsk tsk tsk). So here I was… boasting about our achievements. How we conquered potty training and managed to make sleep-time independent.

BUT… it was as though some evil force was just waiting for me to gloat.

Today, she flipped!! Not only have we had 4 accidents (all in the same day), she’s also refusing to get into her own bed (even though she was sleeping in it for the past week, and really enjoying the new “big girl” treatment).

Now the third thing… Omair is in the room right now with Iman, and she’s screaming bloody murder! She doesn’t want to sleep. I was in there with her, but she started making excuses. First, she said she wanted to sleep in our bed. Then she said she wanted a story, then she said she wanted me to lie next to her… The list continues. So I gave her a warning. We do this at bed time. I sit in the room with her (reading) and she’s supposed to sleep. If she dilly dallies or refuses to settle down, she gets a warning, and if the behavior continues, I leave the room. In turn, she decided that she was going to cry her lungs out. And Omair had to go in to settle things down. Obviously they aren’t settling. She’s crying, and I’m sitting here wondering if I should just let her sleep with us. Why does being firm make me a good mother? Why can’t I take the easy road and give in?

Ok, please don’t answer that.

“The Terrific Twos”

2006-08-28T14:41:00.000+04:00

After my “near crazy” moment with Iman, I have had a lot of conversations about anger management. Recently I was told by another mom that we destine our children for disaster in their 3rd year, because we emphasize that it’s their “terrible two’s”. When we face parenting hurdles, we lay the blame on age, not technique. So it’s been decided that new-age parenting calls for a change. The two’s will no longer be addressed as “terrible”, but instead… TERRIFIC!

Two is the time for inquisitive minds… we need to relish this curiosity and enjoy their undying need to explore.

Two is the time for affection… we need to enjoy that 134th hug and kiss and learn to understand their need to be loved and looked after.

Two is the time for attention… we need to sit and listen and pay attention to them, even when they don’t make any sense.

Two is the time to understand… because sometimes they don’t, and we do.

Two is the time for patience… because we need to know that they don’t throw tantrums to annoy us, they do it because they want to be heard.

Two is the time to teach… because little minds can learn as much as we can offer.

And two is the time to cherish… because it’s just one year, and soon they’ll be older and wiser and our problems will transform into other things.

To all the moms who had or have or will have two year olds… let’s not let them be “terrible” any more!

on some days… I’m just not a very good mom

2006-08-26T17:03:00.000+04:00

We’ve all had bad days. REALLY REALLY bad days when things were out of control. When everything was so overwhelming, that anything or anyone to cross our path, would be in the line of fire.

Personally I think I need to go through anger management. I get too frustrated too quickly. Maybe its Iman’s terrible two’s that make me want to dig my nails into something. Maybe it’s just that when you’re doing this all day and every day you need a break. Maybe it’s because I need to understand that she’s only 2, not 20. Maybe I just need therapy. Or maybe on some days… I’m just not a very good mom, and I need to accept that.

I know its normal for all moms to be a little crazy… after all, aren’t all kids out there just to wind us up? But when is “a little crazy”, a little too much? Does anyone get those violent Ally McBeal images? And if no one does… I will check in with a psychiatrist today!

But really… How are millions of women out there doing the same job as I am and remaining sane through it all???

I know that I’m not all bad, but there are days like these where I wonder if my anger and frustration will remain with Iman forever. Is she going to have horrible memories of a violent mom? You know how kids grow up but their childhood is over imagined in their heads? Try as hard as I might, I always fear that this one explosion of anger is going to scar my baby for life.

I have tried everything to remain calm. Trying to talk it through with her or just leave the situation alone until I can handle it better. But on a day like today, I feel bad because I’ve let down my daughter, I’ve let down my husband, and I’ve let down myself.

No no, don’t get panicked. I didn’t hit her. I just yelled at her, but not that "raise your voice" kind of yelling. The really bad kind, where you yell from your gut.

And no, I don’t do it often. But the sad truth is that I do it. When things go out of control, one after the other, and I’ve tried to calm myself but found no avail… and then Iman pushes my button one more time… I lose it.

Of course the guilt sets in immediately and then I want to hug her and tell her that I’m sorry. Tell her that I love her and that I feel horrible for being such a bad mom. But you can’t take back that moment. And what makes it worse is the fear in your child’s eyes. Nothing is worth that. And I wish that I could change myself, so I would never put her through that again.

All those parents that read my blog, moms and dads… Please share your “psycho stories”. I would love to know that I’m not the only one.

Bedtime Breakdowns

2006-08-23T15:29:00.000+04:00

The older she gets, the harder it is to get her to sleep. We always had a solid bedtime routine, and when she was younger, she really seemed to enjoy it. Now it’s all just a struggle. The moment our clock strikes bedtime, there’s all kinds of chaos, crying and commotion!

First there is the “stuck to it” phase. For every step in her bedtime routine, Iman doesn’t want to move on. When we head to the toilet, she doesn’t want to get off, when she’s washing her hands… she wants to keep soaping up again and again, when she brushes her teeth, she doesn’t want to stop. Once she’s in the PJ’s, we read to her while she has some milk. I always let her pick out 3 books, as I read; I talk to her about what’s on the page. Its great fun for both of us, and then it should be off to sleep… BUT NOT! During the reading, she’ll ask a million questions. Silly ones like… “Where’s the sun?” (Sun is bright and yellow RIGHT ON TOP OF THE PAGE!!!!!).

Another example: there are two girls looking for fish in the pond…

Iman says: “What are girls doing?”
I say: “looking for fishes in the pond”
Iman says: “Where are fishys”
I say: “In the pond, look right there!” (Pointing to the bright colored fish)
Iman says: “What are girls doing?”

You get the picture.

That’s the first phase. Then there is the “Stalling” phase.

Iman is finally in bed, lights are out. Two minutes later… “Iman want water”. Two minutes after that… “Read other story, please?” (How can you resist that “please”?????) Ok, be strong, be strong.

10 minutes later… “mama!!! Iman need to go toilet”.

AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Really, there’s no end to it. It usually takes us OVER an hour to get her to sleep. And it’s not that she’s not tired. I make sure she’s had plenty of running around before bedtime. My only hope is that when she’s back in school, she’ll be so tuckered out, that bedtime will be a much awaited event.

I hope.

Potty Training Update: There are some good days, like today!

2006-08-21T21:43:00.000+04:00

There have been a few breakthroughs. First... we finally bought training pants (those disposable kinds). At home Iman is comando, and when we go out, I put the trainers on. So far they've been working well. She feels like it's still underwear, so she's more careful about telling me.

Today we went out and she told me she had to pee both times she had to go. YIPEEE!! (nobody curse her... PLEASE!)

So things are sarting to look up a little. We still have plenty of accidents, but slowly things are improving. Maybe this wasn't so bad after all...

A MUST share story...

2006-08-17T13:18:00.000+04:00

We were driving over to have dinner with Arfiman and BPC. On the way Iman suddenly declares that she has to use the bathroom. Since I want to encourage her to use the toilet every time she goes... I had Omair drive to the first restaurant/cafe on the way.

While we were trying to look for a place for Iman to "go" I kept asking her if it was still "coming". She assured me that she had to "go" and that she was going to hold it. So we spot a Ponderosa in the distance, swerve a lane over to get into the right exit, drive through the parking and come to a halt at the entrance. I unhook Iman from her car seat and make a dash for the door. The welcome man asks me if I need a table for 2, I quickly tell him that my little one has to really "go" and if he could be kind enough to let us use the ladies room, I would be very grateful. Since Iman and I looked so authentic, he couldn't possibly say no, and so we took off in the direction that he pointed. Another 4 waiters and some directions later, I was in the bathroom! I quickly pulled down Iman's pants, asked her again... "need to go?", her urgent reply "Yeah, yeah... pee pee coming!". So I franticaly clean the toilet seat, line it with paper towels and pop her on.

Phew. Now she can go.

She sat there for a second, made a scrunchy face. FARTED, and then said...

"Finished. All Done!"

Independence Day Special

2006-08-14T23:21:00.000+04:00

August 14th is Pakistan’s Independence Day. Being an expat child myself, I’ve always been really patriotic. Growing up abroad you have to have a lot of information about who you are and where you come from. Foreigners tend to question a lot about culture and heritage, and I have always enjoyed being a representative of Pakistan.

Since our independence day falls in the middle of summer, I’ve spent many of them back home in Karachi. I remember our own flag hoisting ceremony on the roof top. We’d always make “besan ka halwa” (Pakistani sweet) and once the flag was up, we’d all clap and cheer. Then we’d all sit and sing traditional Independence Day songs (Pakistan has a lot of those too!).

Being in a small apartment in Dubai doesn’t allow me to make August 14th special for Iman in the ways that I remember, but being as patriotic as I am, I couldn’t let the day go by without some mention. So today I pulled out our flag, the three of us put it up together. We did a little cut and paste activity with Iman so she would have her own little flag (thank God our flag only has 1 star and not 50!). We dressed her up in her traditional finery and to top it all off… I made green and white dinner :)

Happy Independence Day to all the Pakistanis out there!

PS. Happy Birthday to my mom, who happens to be an Independence Day baby!

Potty Training Update: Wanting to Call it Quits!

2006-08-13T23:18:00.000+04:00

Why can't I just wait until she's in highschool before I have to give up diapers?

In hindsight I am sure that this is a trivial part of parenting… but for now, it's DAMN hard! My die hard readers know that potty training began as soon as we were off for summer vacation. Although the initial days were really tough, it got better and better and better... Almost a week into it, I told everyone that it really wasn't as bad as I had imagined, and anyone out there who's at the verge of training should rest assured that they would get through it.

Well... as of right now, I change my statement.

The story goes back to our vacation...

I had my parents buy a potty for Iman, and we were on top of our game since hour 1. Iman was very good at telling me that she had to go, and I was running to the bathroom every time she asked. For the first 3 days there, we had no accidents. I was so proud of her...

After a few days, things just started to crumble away. First Iman stopped telling me. So I took her after ever couple of hours or so... we were still doing fine. But as the days passed, so did her potty skills. I came back to Dubai with a complete diaper baby again (shame on me too!)

Now that we're here again, I've put her back into panties, but also discovered that she's back to square 1. Over the past 5 days, she's peed ALL over the house. We get about 2 hits a day, the rest are all misses. I'm getting frustrated because this is a task that I thought she had already learned, and most times I can see my frustration coming out on her. As I grit my teeth for the 8th time that day and tell her "It's ok honey, we'll keep trying"

AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!
(secret screaming in my head)

The day I tell you all that potty training is a success, I want you all to tell me go back and read this post. It's always reassuring to read about hard times when they're over. Since Iman is a picky eater, she gives me trouble with most meals. So I have a video of her where she's opening her mouth really wide and actually running after me to feed her some chocolate pudding. On particularly hard feeding days, I play back that video, and it reminds me that it isn't always going to be THIS hard.

How did you know you were ready to have a baby?

2006-08-12T17:41:00.000+04:00

One of the most frequently asked questions I had to answer over the summer was… “How did you know you were ready to have a baby?”

With wedding fever all over and cousins and friends getting ready to tie the knot, it was the one thing that they all wanted to know. When is the “right” time to start a family? The correct answer to that question is… Never

No matter how prepared you might think you are, parenting is the one job you can never be ready for. Children are an anchor in your life. They add a lot of stability, but they also tend to weigh you down at times. Being a mom or dad (since this applies to both) means that you have to learn to live for someone else. Maybe that’s one thing no human is ever prepared to do.

It’s a tough job. You don’t get a “do-over” and you can’t walk away from it. You have to have good instincts, you have to have presence of mind and most importantly, you have to have a lot of unconditional love. Children can really beat down on you at times, so it’s equally important to understand that if you feel “overworked” and you want to quit, it’s ok.

Most people gasp and shudder when a parent says… I don’t want to do this anymore. But it’s unfair to gloss it up all the time. Parenting has its promising and fulfilling moments, but at the same time it has a lot of heartache and frustration. It’s ok to feel like you don’t want to be a parent at times.

I get really jealous of my non-parenting friends when they have absolute control over their lives. They make spontaneous plans, we can’t do that anymore.

So those of you moms and dads out there, who feel like quitting once in a while, remember that it’s ok. Raising a child is a tremendous amount of work, and if you’re doing it right, then you should be really proud of yourself. Don’t feel guilty if you want a part of your life back. Just learn to “readjust” your happiness to incorporate the little ones. We can’t stop being parents, but we should definitely know how to take our breaks!

Really... there's no place like home!

2006-08-10T18:52:00.000+04:00

We're back from our vacation. It was nice to have the break away from the regular routine. Wedding season was HECTIC, but loads of fun. Iman was loving all the fun and attention involved with being around family. She espeically liked having so many kids to play with.

Being back home has been really quiet, but there are a lot of chores to do. I've finished unpacking, cleaning and doing 4 loads of laundry. Both Iman and I miss being around so many people, but she's settled in well. She was more than happy to see her old toys and surroundings.

That's why they say... there's no place like home!

I'll get back to blogging as soon as I can get back into my own routine. In the mean time, enjoy the pictures on Iman's website. Those of you that aren't familiar with Pakistani culture, our weddings are REALLY colorful.

www.freewebs.com/iman_zuberi

Enjoy!

Vacation Update

2006-07-23T23:33:00.000+04:00

Just thought I would let you all know that vacationing is going well.

Iman has been Oooook. She's had her better days, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt that she's away from home and her dad.

The best part is that there are SO many people to look after her. I've even been out on shopping trips while she's being looked after by her grandparents. I can sit and eat a meal and better yet, I can have a whole conversation with people without having to break it up into Iman sized portions. If it weren't for the killer heat, I think I would move back!

Hope you all are doing well.

Wedding Season + Holidayying

2006-07-12T14:28:00.000+04:00

Iman and I are off to Karachi tomorrow to attend 3 weddings, and spend time with the grandparents.

Omair didn't get days off, so I'll be single parenting again for a while, but it won't be as bad, because we have a lot of hands back home to take care of the little one.

See you all in 2 weeks!

The cost of kids these days...

2006-07-09T13:48:00.000+04:00

I was just sent this by my sister. Who doesn't have her own kids, but has a lot of love for the kids in our family.

The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140.00 for a middle income family.

Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition. But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into $8,896 a year, $741.38 a month, or $171.08 a week. That's a mere $24.24 a day! Just over a dollar an hour. Still, you might think the best financial advice says don't have children if you want to be "rich." It is just the opposite. What do your get for your $160,140?

Naming rights --- First, middle, and last!
Glimpses of God everyday.
Giggles under the covers every night.
More love than your heart can hold.
Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
A hand to hold, usually covered with jam.
A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sand castles, and skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.
Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.

For $160,140, you never have to grow up.

You get to finger-paint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs, and never stop believing in Santa Claus.

You have an excuse to keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh, watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney Land, and wishing on stars.

You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.

For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck.

You get to be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, taking the training wheels off the bike, removing a splinter, filling a wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always get treated to ice cream regardless.

You get a front row seat to history to witness the first step, first word, first date, and first time behind the wheel.

You get to be immortal.

You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren.

You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.

In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God. You have all the power to heal a booboo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost.

Potty Training Update

2006-07-06T22:52:00.000+04:00

For those of you who continue to remain interested in Iman's potty news... here's our latest.

As you know from before... day 1 and 2 were a nightmare. We had pee all over the house (luckily I picked up the rugs).

BUT...

Day 3 was a miracle! All of a sudden Iman started telling us that she had to go, and beleive it or not, we went through almost 3 whole days without a single accident!!

On Day 6 I think we cursed ouselves. The accidents came back... but not so many.

On Day 10 things really took a turn for the worse. Now, when I know it's about time to head to the bathroom, I ask her "Iman you need to go?" and she replies "No". Then 5 seconds later, she pees on the floor.

Don't get me wrong, she does tell me on and off. I guess it's just a game that we'll be playing for a while more. But the good news for all you moms out there (those who still have untrained kids) here's my verdict...

Potty training isn't that hard. Kids do get the hang of it, as long as you train them when they are ready. The accuracy probably depends on child to child, but seeing as I was deathly afraid of this step, I can assure you all that it isn't all bad.

Now you can all sleep easy.

I forgot to cut the umbilical chord…

2006-07-01T22:58:00.000+04:00

Over the past two years, I have done whatever I felt necessary to be a good mom. But now with all that time behind me, I feel that maybe I did “too much”. Now when I look at Iman’s level of attachment with me, I can’t help but look down at myself for this.

During the first six months I fell victim to the “she needs me” syndrome. Since Omair and I had decided that we wanted Iman to be completely breastfed, I always felt the need to be “around”. I didn’t allow myself off time, because I never knew when to take that break.

After the initial 6 months, I just kind of took over the role of doing everything for Iman. Since I had left work to be a stay at home mom, it didn’t make any sense to dump the responsibility on Omair (although I must give him due credit, he does A LOT of her). I kind of took Iman as my “job” and did all her duties myself.

Now she’s 2 and I feel that I can’t even take a minute off. Whether its mealtimes, bath time, nap time or sleep time, my presence is a MUST. Iman screams and howls when I go to the bathroom. When I am doing the dishes, she’s clinging to my legs with an “almost” whimper.

You’d think that working would have loosened Iman’s close connection with me, but I feel that it made it worse. Usually I left her crying at daycare, so later, when she was with me, she felt even more insecure, and had a greater need to “cling”.

I feel jealous of all those women who can leave their kids behind for the afternoon or even take a mini-holiday without a toddler in tow. My advice to all those new moms out there… shower your child with all your love and attention, but don’t forget to take time off for yourself, and allow your baby to have a certain level of independence. I speak here from experience, that 2 years later, you’ll regret building this “wall of dependency” around your child.

Potty Training: Day 2

2006-06-28T22:54:00.000+04:00

Ok, it's getting a little better.

I realized that yesterday was such a disaster because I didn't know what I was doing.

Today we've had a couple of hits, and a couple of misses. It's getting better because I am trying to "read" her expressions and it's actually working! She gets really freaked out when she has an accident, but I just comfort her and tell her that we'll try again next time.

This has to be one of the hardest parts of motherhood. Everyone think positive potty thoughts for Iman.

*Those who are completely disgusted... I will post other stuff soon, potty updates will appear once a week :)

The Sum(mer) of All Fears

2006-06-27T16:47:00.000+04:00

The administration at school decided that we've all had enough, and started summer vacation early. So I am officially off from today, which also means that potty training was pre-poned.

As of two hours ago, Iman has been diaper free, but it's not going too well...

Our record:
2 hours, 3 accidents

:(

Enough said?